Sprint Is A Jerk (Or, "Just Because The Technology’s There Doesn’t Mean That You Should Do It").

The Jerk

Remember the Opti-Grab? That little thing Navin Johnson, Steve Martin’s character in the movie The Jerk designed to keep eyeglasses from sliding down people’s noses?

Opti-Grab

The Opti-Grab gripped the bridge of the nose and kept the glasses securely in place. The thing became a hit, sweeping the country like a Paris Hilton sex tape. Everyone had an Opti-Grab—babies, dogs, you name it. The invention made the destitute Navin a millionaire practically overnight. He lived a fabulous life. His house even had its very own disco. (This was the seventies, folks, so that was a big deal).

Then Opti-Grab customers, one-by-one, began to complain. They were becoming cockeyed, they said, because their eyes kept being drawn to the little contraption that was gripping their noses. They couldn’t stop looking at it, and soon their eyes became stuck that way. Navin found himself in court facing his legion accusers. In one of the greatest rags-to-riches-to-rags moments in cinematic history, the hapless Navin lost his money, his big mansion, and all his possessions, and was out on the street with nothing but the raggedy clothes on his back, the pants around his legs, and a chair.

You’d think somebody would learn from this. But then again, I guess it’s just like they say…unless we study history, it’s doomed to repeat itself.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new Opti-Grab:

You probably already have one. It’s just a cameraphone, but now it’s about to become so much more.

Sprint just announced that they will soon allow movies, FULL-LENGTH MOVIES, to be downloaded by their customers onto their phones.

The offer would be for unlimited shows and movies for a monthly flat fee of $6.95 in addition to the regular service charges. This news comes at a time where Video is becoming a major feature addition to everything from gaming consoles to digital music players. Sprint along with many other wireless phone services are looking to video content like TV programs, music and sports to bring in more revenues.

Just think of it. You’ll be able to watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith on your train ride home. Or maybe sneakily check out Wedding Crashers during your boring staff meeting. A solid hour-and-a-half of staring at your cellphone. More, if you’re watching any of the three Lord Of The Rings.

And then it will happen. Your eyes will get stuck.

I just hope Sprint’s got some raggedy clothes and a chair hidden somewhere. Because once this one hits the fan, they’re gonna need ’em.

TechWhack News: Sprint Planning To Offer Full Movie Download On Mobile Phones

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