After a full two days of the widely-reported story of Oprah’s private plane being grounded after braining a bird and getting a cracked windshield as a result, word comes that there was no bird, dead or otherwise.

Per Forbes.com:

Officials now say that it was wear and tear, and not a collision with a bird, that damaged the windshield of Oprah Winfrey’s private jet and forced it to return to the city airport.

“There was no bird involved, but the pilot did tell my captain that he felt it was a fatigue thing with the glass,” Battalion Chief John Ahlman, a Santa Barbara City Fire Department spokesman, said Tuesday of the previous afternoon’s incident.

You got that, people? Neither Oprah nor anything associated with her would ever harm a living creature, let alone do something as heinous as crack a critter’s skull. The windshield was “fatigued.” It just broke on its own.

Oprah is the goddess of all things good. No dead birds allowed. As a matter of fact, there wasn’t even a plane, okay?

And Oprah wasn’t there either.

Oprah who?

Forbes.com – Update 2: Officials Backtrack on Oprah Plane Mishap
Oprah’s Jet Grounded After Striking Bird
Previously: The Lo Zone: Oprah Makes Santa Claus Look Like Sh*t.