>Note To Self: No F*cking In Front Of The Dogs

>Besides possibly guaranteeing myself a gang-banging of the most unwelcome kind, here’s yet another reason for me not to get raw and rowdy with a guy in front of my furry crew. CNN.com reports on a pet parrot in the UK who busted up an obviously already-shaky relationship with his snitchy chatter.

The bird, whose name is Ziggy, obviously couldn’t keep what he’d seen and heard to himself:

The African grey parrot kept squawking “I love you, Gary” as his owner, Chris Taylor, sat with girlfriend Suzy Collins on the sofa of their shared flat in Leeds, northern England.

But when Taylor saw Collins’s embarrassed reaction, he realized she had been having an affair — meeting her lover in the flat whilst Ziggy looked on, the UK’s Press Association reported.

Ziggy even mimicked Collins’s voice each time she answered her telephone, calling out “Hiya Gary,” according to newspaper reports.

Call-center worker Collins, 25, admitted the four-month affair with a colleague called Gary to her boyfriend and left the flat she had shared with Taylor, 30, for a year.

Taylor said he had also been forced to part with Ziggy after the bird continued to call out Gary’s name and refused to stop squawking the phrases in his ex-girlfriend’s voice, media reports said.

“I wasn’t sorry to see the back of Suzy after what she did, but it really broke my heart to let Ziggy go,” he said.

“I love him to bits and I really miss having him around, but it was torture hearing him repeat that name over and over again.

Hmmm…I also have a bird. A very sweet, fanatically loyal white-and-grey dove (or pigeon, whodafuck knows what it is) that I rescued two years ago. His name is B-Bird (I’m so friggin’ clever…and yes, y’all, it’s Wild Kingdom up in this piece.)

B-Bird is pretty cool and quite smart, although he can get a little noisy at times. Not that often. Only when I get phone calls or if there’s bad singing on tv. He apparently, however, loves Cyndi Lauper, because she was just on The View singing her beautiful classic hit, Time After Time

…and he was positively enthralled, bobbing his head in silence to the beat. Seriously. He does that.

B-Bird’s cage is very near my bed. Fortunately, he can’t talk, so he can’t tell anyone what he sees (or doesn’t see) going on in my bedroom.

But if he ever thought about it, I’d politely remind him of the name of my last book…


And that, I believe, would be the end of that.

CNN.com: Mouthy parrot ‘reveals sex secret’

One thought on “>Note To Self: No F*cking In Front Of The Dogs

  1. >hey lo….cute burd ya got there…yup definitely a mutt-burd…the joint-bangin' of a pigeon and dove (and i ain't seen a dove be-foe, except in dem Bible movies (noah's ark)…

    Like

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