Yet another clever Lo Zone reader, J., wins cd number two in the Sex.Lies.Murder.Fame. soundtrack giveaway. J. tells the fabulastically-fun story of her (fictitious, we hope) undercover life of cat burglary that’s necessary to satisfy a yen for high-end, museum quality furnishings and accoutrement. (Translation: J.’s a klepto baller.) Check it out:
“A million little pieces” was the phrase that crossed my mind as I watched the vase (early Ming, blue and white dragon motif, would’ve looked spectacular in my living room) slipped through my gloved fingers and twirled delicately towards the floor. It seemed to take an hour for the vase to complete its suicidal gymnastic routine, time enough for me to think of all the times this hadn’t happened and how each time had led me one step closer to the nirvana of home decor. A small Picasso above the fireplace. A tiny Keith Haring in the guest bathroom. Archaeological treasures graced the mantle and various shelves. “Oh, it’s a gift shop replica,” I would always tell people. But now the truth was that I had smashed a real Ming vase (oh, how cliche!) during a break-in and I could already hear footsteps crashing down the hall towards me to the wail of museum alarms. Ripping myself from bereavement (oh, that color! and with my sofa!) I leapt up and grabbed the rope that came through the air vent. Gucci glove over Gucci glove, I was home free into the vent – until I was grabbed by the Mahnolos and hauled off to jail. And this is why I write to you, Lolita, to try and win the CD. Life in jail is bleak! If I win, please have Mel Jackson kiss it for me. He is one super-hot man.
Congratulations, J.!! Expect that signed (and kissed) cd to be on its way. ‘Cause nothing says “free soundtrack” like a broken Ming vase. And a Blahnik-wearing cat burglar.
Previously: The Lo Zone: The “I Can Lie Just Like James Frey” Contest: Winner #1.
Previously: The Lo Zone: The “I Can Lie Just Like James Frey” Contest: Winner #2.
Previously: The Lo Zone: Sex.Lies.Murder.Fame.: The Soundtrack, Part 2
Previously: The Lo Zone: Sex.Lies.Murder.Fame.: The Soundtrack