>In the spirit of the great fun of Friday’s post about Improbable Friendships (which was based on a real sighting), I’ve decided to keep the fun going by, on occasion (meaning, whenever the mood strikes me), doing something I’d like to call Improbable Conversations, where we explore fake discourse between real people who most likely will never talk, but it’d be cool as blazes (hey, that’s a paradox!) to listen in on their what-the-fuck-is-this chatter, just for shits and giggles.
And what better way to inaugurate this little funfest than to start with everyone’s favorite lying guy, James Frey…
Black Jeezy: So what’s this about you trying to embarrass my Chosen One?
Black Jeezy: See, that’s the problem right there. You don’t have respect for anything. First off, you need to be addresssing me in the proper way. You didn’t say ‘Sir,’ ‘Your Magnificence,’ nothing. You can’t just talk to me like you talking to somebody on the street. Didn’t your mama ever tell you not to look into the sun?
Black Jeezy: Nigga, what?????? I know you see this crown of thorns on my head. Jesus is a state of mind. I’ve been through fire, through the wire, you can’t even begin to understand what it’s like to be persecuted the way I have…
Frey: Uh…I think I can. The entire country turned on me. Your Chosen One did everything but have her audience tear away my flesh.
Black Jeezy: …the President probably had the CIA investigating me because I dared to speak my mind and my heart. You wouldn’t even understand what it’s like to be under that kind of scrutiny. Something like that would crush the average man.
Frey: Uh…excuse me? Have you ever heard of The Smoking Gun? At least you didn’t have every tiny detail of your life paraded in front of the world and debated in the media. You didn’t have everyone step away from you like you were walking asbestos. I was just minding my own business and my book got picked, and in a matter of months I went from media darling to national pariah…
Frey: (brow crinkling) Wait a second. Aren’t those the words to one of your songs? Even I don’t quote myself.
They head towards a very, very, very nice car.
Frey: Um. Wow. That’s a pretty sweet vehicle. But I thought Jesus Walks.
Black Jeezy: Nah, kid. Jesus drives a Maybach. And actually, Jesus doesn’t even get behind the wheel. I got somebody else to do that for me.
Black Jeezy signals to the driver. The trunk of the car pops open to reveal hundreds of crowns of thorns. Black Jeezy reaches in and hands one to Frey.