Best. Jelly. Bean. EVER.

Now, before you guys start protesting and getting your beanies in a bunch, countering with…

But Lo, Jelly Belly makes the best jelly beans ever…”

…let me tell you, I used to think the same thing. I didn’t believe anything could top the heaven that is a Buttered Popcorn Jelly Belly

but I was wrong.

A year ago, around Easter, I serendipitously came across something I’d never seen before:

I got them at an area Big K-Mart. I have a bit of a sweet tooth and I’m a sucker for something new, so I bought a bag. They were DELISH. So I went back a couple of days later and bought another bag. Scrumpdilly, these things were. I made a mental note to pick up some the next time I was in the store. I went back a month later. Imagine my bald-faced horror to learn these candies are only produced once a year, during Easter!!! There wasn’t a bag to be had!!! The sheer shock of it nearly brought me to my knees in tearful outrage.

I vowed to never be caught like that again. Guess what? It’s a year later. I went back to the Big K-Mart. There they were. A display of eleven of them. Guess how many I bought? Yup.

All eleven. And I’m going back again this weekend, in the hopes they’ve replenished the stock, and I’ll buy those, too. I’ll buy them all—ALL THE SWEETARTS JELLY BEANS IN THE GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA—because I REFUSE to be deprived of my pleasure. (And because I’m a Libra, and we’re stone-cold nuts. We operate in extremes.) I don’t necessarily plan on eating them all, mind you (a sistah is way scared of diabetes). I just need to know I can have them when I want them.

That once-a-year stuff is about some bullshit. Please. Who is Nestle to tell me when I can have my SweeTarts jelly beans?

Fuckers. See what happens when I take matters into my own now-jelly-bean-filled hands?

Groovy SweeTarts Jelly Beans

9 thoughts on “Best. Jelly. Bean. EVER.

  1. >easy lo….eassssss-z. never been a luva of jellybeans but i feel your pain. like when the fast food giant, wendy, back in the mid 80's used to make hot apple turnovers….ahhhh, talk about good! damn, my mouth is watering now! it was a whole peeled apple, that was baked inside a pie crust, with apple filling, cinnamon, sugar. gud lawd! talkin' about good eatin'!!!!but i feel ya…damn those bastard as nestles!!!!……..and the girl scouts too! and i can only get samoas once a fuckin' year! how cruel is that?!


  2. >Lance, those apple turnovers were THE TRUTH!!! And I'm the same way about Samoas and Thin Mints. I once filled a deep freezer with boxes and boxes of the cookies because I knew I could only get them once a year. I practically bought out the entire supply from the girl scouts who were selling them. I like what I like, and I want to be able to have it when I want it. Dammit.


  3. >i'm glad you remembered the apple turnover lo. about two years ago, i talked to a wendy's manager about those past apple turnovers and he was like "no clue". sad… ;-(


  4. >Oh, a sistah can remember food…trust. About a year ago, I had a sudden craving for these donuts my mom used to buy from the frozen foods section of the grocery store. They were these mini things with sugar and cinammon on them, and you heated them in the oven (this was the seventies, before we had a microwave). The donuts would get a crispy little edge to them and they were, oh my gawd, so damn delicious. I went to the grocery store looking for them. No dice. I Googled them. After much searching, I discovered the name: Morton's Sugar and Spice doughnuts. And guess what? THEY DON'T MAKE THEM ANYMORE. Devasted, I was. I swear, I get a taste in my mouth, and it just won't let go.


  5. >i feel ya girl….i feel ya. but hey, since you're in THE DOUGHNUT CAPITAL OF THE WORLD; LA (i thought it was NY, no joke)…maybe someone is making them fresh and the way, the krispy kremes in NY are closing left and right. stocks falling thru the roof! sales are….eh.


  6. >Can you believe that LA is the doughnut capital of the world? That actually baffled me when I first moved here. There was a doughnut store on every corner damn near, usually with a liquor store on one side and a (get this) TROPICAL FISH STORE on the other. I never understood the science of that. Still, we got mad doughnuts here. Wonder why. You think it's maybe all the creatives who work all hours and need sugar rushes to motivate them? But you're right, I never thought about a fresh version of those childhood doughnuts being here. Betcha Randy's, Winchell's, or Yum-Yum might have them. I'm between two Winchell's (both are within a two-block stretch—I toldya), so maybe I should check.


  7. >and i've never been to any of those doughnuts shops while in LA. i wanna do randy's for the nostaligic picture in front of the doughnut, hopefully with a couple of sistah cops! handcuff me baby!!!!…. ;-p~~~ lol


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