I Gotta Get Me One-A These.

See, this is why I love Gallery of the Absurd. They are so freakin’ clever over there. Seems they’ve done a piece addressing The Incident. You know…The Incident. Sure, there’ve been several, but I’m referring to the most recent one where Naomi Campbell allegedly attacked the hired help (again), using her obvious weapon of choice, a telephone.

The good folks at Gallery have come up with something truly efficient to aid Ms. Campbell and like-minded belligerent divas with unplanned attacks on their beleaguered minions.

NaomiPhone

Per Gallery of the Absurd:

Even if you manage to avoid developing brain cancer from using your mobile phone, you still have to worry about the possibility of an angry Naomi Campbell hurling one at your head. One of the largest mobile device makers has teamed up with the aging supermodel to introduce the most fashionable phone to ever hit the runway. Studded with sparkling pink Swarovski crystals and featuring an exclusive 3 carat diamond, no one would guess that with a push of a button, this innocent little phone becomes a dangerous Ninja shuriken. The antenna doubles as a grenade pin…just pull and toss at your enemy! A set of Swiss army knives are also included, along with a high quality nail file and secret lipstick compartment.

That shit is fantaaaaaaabulous. Now Naomi can do some real damage. I’m talking put some eyes out, stab a cook or two, maybe even shank the doorman at her building…until someone finally puts an end to all this nonsense and SHOVES THEIR FOOT UP HER ASS.

Which somebody should have done a long time ago. Why is she getting away with so much foolishness? Why are so many folks putting up with her shit?

NaomisShit

These people she keeps smashing in the head with phones—they can’t be black. No offense to anybody, but they can’t. Because all it would have taken was one wrong lick to a sistah, and Ms. Campbell would have been swatted a long time ago. She’s not as crazy as she seems. She knows who to hit and who not to.

Gallery of the Absurd: The Naomi Campbell Cell Phone
CBS News: Supermodel Denies Assault Charge
Previously: The Lo Zone: Funny, I’ve Been Thinking The Very Same Thing.
Previously: The Lo Zone: (Sea) Monkey See, (Sea) Monkey Do.
Previously: The Lo Zone: Startled Jones: The Transformation
Previously: The Lo Zone: Star Jones: Pin-Up Girl

8 thoughts on “I Gotta Get Me One-A These.

  1. >if i'm not mistaken the housekeeper, personal assistant and others that she's been "clockin'" upside the head wif, have been NON-BLACK. but the reason they probably "didn't" retaliate wuz they thought they could get sum munny from da beesch.had it been a SISTUH, from BROOKLYN?!!!!!! naomi would have had to take that ass-whuppin'. then listen to it on a mixtape! cause that's where the money would have came from! ONE!

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  2. >Now that would be sumthin', listening to her getting her ass beat with a phat beat behind it, something big and operatic, Kanyeezy style (think "Jesus Walks" or "Two Words"). Then let DJ Clue or somebody put a nice mix on it, and that thing would be the smash of the summer!!

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  3. >zackly!all you can hear is naomi screaming in some british tongue and maybe busta rhymes gigglin' in the background. hey, whateva happening to the first bad gurl supermodel, grace jones? you know, "pull up to da bumper"? now that joint was hot! especially during any summer.

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  4. >now, THAT'S a greeting card i wanna see!!!!! (don't forget the red santa's hat!)i can see it now….lboogie on the shitter with a red santa's hat, reading an essence mag. title of the card. "YOU BETTA BE NICE!" or "THE SHIT YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS WILL NOT BE YOUR OWN!!!!!"

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