Dog v. Cat

Bubs Eric Jerome Dickey sent me something truly hysterical this morning.

I’m a dog person. You guys all know that. They’re sweet, lovable, and always so excited about life in general. I have friends who are die-hard cat people, always praising how amazing their felines are.

Eric’s allergic to all of ’em, dogs and cats. What he sent me this morning reveals the stark difference between these two popular types of pets. (These are my dogs, BTW. Aren’t they just everything?)

As seen in a dog’s diary:

7 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

Noon – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

2 pm – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

3 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 pm – Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

7 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

8 pm – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 pm – Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

11 pm – Oh boy! Sleeping in my people’s bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat’s diary:

Day 183 of my captivity… My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded – must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair – must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.

Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait.

This is why I will always opt for the animal who’s happy to see me as opposed to the one who’s plotting my death. It’s a lot like dating, isn’t it? If your partner suddenly starts weaving between your feet…beware.

Eric Jerome Dickey Online
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7 thoughts on “Dog v. Cat

  1. >Ok, very funny! But, is it really necessary to do all this PUSSY bashing! Some of my bestfriends are PUSSIES! I think the the key life is finding a way where PUSSY and people, especially men, can co-exist in happiness! It's great that you have attempted to open dialogue with the PUSSY. But, please let's try to go deeper than just than the surface. I believe if you do, like me, you will find that at the heart of every misunderstood PUSSY is a beautiful life giving VAGINA! Thank you for your time. God Bless

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  2. >This is a good one. My grandmother always had a cat and I swear that little (insert P word) would strike at will for no apparent reason. Lo, your dogs are adorable. If it werent' for the fact that they can't walk and feed themselves I would have one or two. But I am a firm believer that if you require food to live then you needs a job — my grandson excluded. Well, at least until he's a year old.

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  3. >I've never liked cats, at least since I was kindergarten age, because the one we had briefly tried to scratch my eyes out for no apparent reason. You just can't trust the little pussies (that's one for you Mel), and for that reason I don't trust them to this day. I do, however, love dogs, you can never go wrong with them. They are great to have around.

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