You should see how frightened I look when I ride them. I’m stiff as a board and I don’t make any false moves or like anybody around me to make ’em either. I hate those revolving doors at hotels and buildings, too.
Those scare the shit outta me. I’m always afraid I’m going to get trapped or smushed. Close friends who’ve gone through those doors with me know my dread of them is very real. Seriously. It takes me a few minutes to enter them, like I’m trying to jump in a game of Double Dutch. As for escalators, I used to think my pants leg or shoe strings would get stuck in the steps and snatch me down, ultimately chewing me up in the cruel, cruel steel.
What? I’m not crazy. I’m not some over-imaginative writer. Turns out my freak-outs were based on fact.
Shopping carts, escalators and lawn mowers injure 35,000 American children every year and should be redesigned, researchers said on Monday.
Last year in the United States, 24,000 children were hurt badly enough to go to the hospital after falling out of shopping carts or topping over while they rode, a statement from the American Academy of Pediatrics said.
Three-quarters of the injuries were to the head or neck.
Some children got injured when they were trapped in carts, or fell off while riding on the outside or while standing up inside the basket, the report published in the academy’s journal, Pediatrics, said.
Uh-huh. And check this out:
Many of the 2,000 annual injuries on escalators occur when a shoe, clothing or a stroller becomes trapped in the space between the moving stairs and the side wall.
See?! See?! I’m not crazy!
Now all they need to do is address those scary revolving doors and we’ll be straight.