>Breaking: Poor Pluto.

>

Downgraded from a rock star to a rock.

Leading astronomers approved historic new planet guidelines Thursday – downsizing Earth’s neighborhood from nine principal heavenly bodies to eight by demoting distant Pluto.

After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930.

Pluto must have been a black planet. I mean, it was all the way in the back of the solar system, you know what I’m sayin’? And now it’s just a rock.

If I was Pluto, I’d make like a bowling ball and knock all those other fuckers ahead of me into the sun.

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