Swiss Cows Will Kick Your Ass.

They don’t wanna be touched, alright? They just wanna chill and eat their straw without any disruptions. Sheesh.

Keep your distance. Avoid eye contact. And even if it looks cute, never hug a Swiss cow.

Responding to numerous “reports of unpleasant meetings between hikers and cattle” along Switzerland’s picture-perfect Alpine trails this summer, the Swiss Hiking Federation has laid down a few ground rules.

“Leave the animals in peace and do not touch them. Never caress a calf,” the group’s guidance, posted on the website, reads.

“Do not scare the animals or look them directly in the eye. Do not wave sticks. […]

First off, who the hell is hugging cows? And waving sticks (!!!)? These can’t be black people. I know that for a fact. We don’t just roll up on animals that we’re not trying to eat. [See my shark post from late last year.]

I feel you, Swiss cows. Just because you look all nice and friendly doesn’t mean you want to be petted. I hate it when I’m just minding my own business grazing and someone rolls up and starts stroking me.

Well, sometimes I hate it.

Okay, I don’t hate it at all. Bring it on, strokers!!!*

*Touch me without asking and I’ll make those Swiss cows seem like pet rabbits in comparison…okay?

Free Republic: Mooove slowly and don’t hug cows, hikers told

4 thoughts on “Swiss Cows Will Kick Your Ass.

  1. >Please don't stoke the nape of my neck and you are not trying to seduce me.Im a short hair sassy chic, and the nape of my neck is very sensitive (Its damn near erotic)so if I turn around and you are not a male, over 6 feet tall, athletic build, and we are not in a room with vanilla candles burning…I will kick some ass like them cows.Okay Im back, now that I told everybody, Im not responsible for my actions.


  2. >I hear that, Sheletha. I'm like that about my neck, too. Except it's not the nape of my neck, it's the sides. That area is off-limits if we're not intimately involved or about to (mutually) cross the line into becoming intimately involved. I'll judo chop a mofo for entering that area. It's definitely a "no-fly" zone unless you mean business.


  3. >lol…couldn't help but to think about the character in the movie "there's something about mary"…you know the retarded kid that didn't like anything on his ears.a classic comedy…"oooh, hair gel!!!!"


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