>When Cats Collapse.

>Last night I was reading the current (November) issue of O Magazine

OMagCover

…and came across something quite fascinating in the Body Wise section on page 218 called “Women’s Business.”

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The section’s subtitle was “Good news, bad news on the sexual health front,” and boy, was that an understatement. One of the bulleted points really caught my eye. It was called “Embarrassing Symptons.” You wouldn’t believe what it addressed:

More than half of women over age 50 are affected to some degree by a condition called pelvic organ prolapse […]. “Many women feel like something is falling out of their vagina,” says Linda Brubaker, MD, director of the division of female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery at Loyola University Medical Center in Chicago. In some cases, it is, and it must be pushed back up inside their bodies. The problem starts when connective tissues…blah, blah, blah.

I’m sorry. I stopped reading after I saw the part about having to push the entrails of your peeper that have FALLEN OUT AND ARE HANGING IN THE WIND back up inside where they belong.

Ugh. Alright, here’s why they said your cat could fall out:

The problem starts when connective tissues that support the pelvic organs—including the vagina, bladder, and rectum—become stretched and damaged (usually the result of pregnancy and pushing during childbirth, but sometimes due to frequent heavy lifting AND WHORING); over time those organs begin dropping. [Lo’s note: Sorry. That last part about the whoring was mine.]

[…]

Many women are too embarrassed to see a doctor,” says Brubaker, [no shit, says Lo] “or they’re afraid they’ll need surgery.” But treatment includes nonsurgical options such as Kegel exercises and the insertion of a pessary, a plastic device that helps support the pelvic organs.

My favorite part is at the end of the piece:

For more information, check out the Pelvic Floor Disorders Network (pfdn.org).

Pelvic Floor Disorders? They make it sound like your peeper’s got some sort of trap door that could give at any moment.

Anyway ladies, if you find yourself walking along and your cat suddenly falls out, or if it’s already happened and you’ve been duct taping it to hold it in, there’s help. (Fellas, if this is happening to your girl, tell her there’s a solution…unless you happen to like loose snatch.)

I know I shouldn’t joke about this, but good lawd, of all the things I didn’t realize I’d have to worry about with the passage of time. Now they’re telling me that once I’m in my 50’s, I gotta be on the lookout for my cat falling out as I’m shopping, or, heaven forbid, trying on shoes?

Sheesh. Talk about Keeping The Kitty.

Mel, do you have an answer for this????

On another front, I guess this means I’d better stop whoring.*

*I’m just joking. I’m so not a whore.

**What qualifies for whoredom anyway? Is there a certain number that, once you pass it, you get a certificate? Perhaps I shouldn’t speak so soon.

O, The Oprah Magazine

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16 thoughts on “>When Cats Collapse.

  1. >Sheletha, the 20 minute rule is that it takes the average woman 20 minutes to achieve orgasm.So it's not about getting better sex, per se. It's about needing those 20 minutes just to get off AT ALL.Hmmm. I guess it is better sex if it means you'll at least get off.

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  2. >That's it, girl. 20 minutes. Woe be unto the woman who hasn't "achieved" by the 21-minute mark. Her man might say, "Oops! Time's up!! You're on your own!!"(nutogre) <==what the hell does that mean??!! we are definitely being watched!! yikes!!

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  3. >I guess I have to hold it down for the fella's until the troops come back to the spot. I've had some selfish moments in bed in my life time, but it's not that hard to get twenty minutes of sex, especially if both of you know what you are doing. I know there are times when you want to "run out the room", but foreplay shouldn't be dead. If it is, you are with the wrong guy/girl. Some of the best work is done at that time. If you aren't getting twenty minutes, something else must be wrong. Maybe they are rushing to get through for a reason.

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  4. >Here are some things that take longer than 20 minutes: cooking dinner, baking a cake, doing a load of laundry, watching a stupid sit-com because your husband thinks it's hilarious…My man BETTER have more than 20 minutes for me!

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  5. >well, well, well….good lookin' rich, for holding down the fort!!!!!Here are some things that take longer than 20 minutes: cooking dinner, baking a cake, doing a load of laundry, watching a stupid sit-com because your husband thinks it's hilarious… -girly_girl20 mins? are you serious? see this is where it gets interesting. girly_girl is on point, just throw sex in the midst of all those chores, even bonin' hubby while he's watching, i'on kno, "the man show". then it's on like popcorn and a nut will bust even faster.ladies, keep this in mind. spontaneity is key for a good ol' hard squirt!!!! no time at all, especially if you're into your man. if you're not, then it's on you. work those keough muscles, whip that pussy into shape. don't be lazy! no dick can compete with a woman who: 1) had a baby vaginally2) on the regular with super-size, circus dicks, drillin' it out like a cave (HELLO, HEL-LO, HEL-LOOOOOO; echo sounds)3) using your pu-nanny as a toy tester, breaking them in on test drive and long distance drives too.and of course, if you ain't massaging that clit orally or otherwise, 20 mins will seem like eternity.the lanceman has spoken…

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  6. >20 minutes? After the first five I usually just wipe peanut butter on my girl's peeper and let the dog finish up for me. Who has 20 minutes for the love of Pete?:)

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