I was reading one of the national papers online last night and came across one of those advice columns that runs in several papers around the country. The column was so interesting, I ended up going back a few days to read more. Lo and behold, I came across this:
Two years ago my lifelong friend, “Sandy,” and I surprised my husband with a menage a trois for his 60th birthday. My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years. This is every man’s fantasy, so I decided to treat him.
For the last 10 years, Sandy has lived on the East Coast, after her husband died. We have always been close — she was the maid of honor at our wedding — and both families vacationed together with our kids.
When I suggested it, Sandy laughed but said she’d go along.
I was surprised and thrilled when we did it, especially because she and my husband spent the whole time concentrating on me. We laughed the next day, saying that we are a bunch of old folks doing something we heard about when we were young but too “uptight” to try. We have not done it again, and have not talked about it, other than just mentioning it in passing. However, I fantasize about her often.
My 60th birthday is soon, and I want to do it again. When I mentioned this to Sandy, she said she would look forward to it.
But I have not told my husband. I have never been attracted to anyone during my marriage — man or woman — and I have been a loyal wife.
I’m counting the days until my birthday, and I feel like a teenager in love for the first time. Does this mean I’m gay?
Amy’s advice, as far as this blog is concerned, doesn’t really matter, per se, which is why I haven’t listed it. (If you must know what she said, click here.) I guess my question is—at what point is a person considered too old to have a ménage? Is there a cutoff point, or do you think there are some ninety-year-olds out there still clanging their collective bones? In the age of Viagra, the sexual shelf life of men has been extended considerably, and I’m sure some of those men are probably hungry for all the prolonged strange they can get. (Mind you, I’ve never had a ménage, so I’m not exactly the one to know the answer to this.)
Are you ever technically too old to orgy?*
*A few years ago, I briefly dated a guy whom I discovered, much to my alarm, was a very active swinger. Imagine the horror of me—a textbook monogamous girl—finding herself with someone who put the “he” in Hedonism. It was a disaster. We were doomed from Day One. Our (sexless) relationship had the life span of a firefly. Once his penchant for group clamoring was out in the open, he very excitedly told me he could see himself swinging well into his eighties. Good luck with that, dude. There’s nothing sexier than a room full of dried dicks and desiccated cooches, a bowl of blue pills, a trough of Astroglide, and high, high hopes. (Pretty sure there’s also a defibrillator somewhere in the room.) I’m just sayin’.