To Bolt Or Not To Bolt…

A question from yet another one of those Dear Somebody columns in the newspaper that caught my attention:


Dear Cheryl: What is the protocol for proper behavior after sex? I’m curious about how men treat the women they’ve just made love to. I’m sure there’s a difference if it’s love versus lust or committed versus promiscuous.

Let’s take the case where the man cares for the woman and is not using her. In that case, what is expected afterward? What is normal behavior?

After being made love to, I like to spend a few minutes snuggled deep in strong arms. I like to kiss, giggle and connect on another level. I like to cuddle, if you will.

However, the guy I’ve been seeing for the last few months feels the exact opposite. When the deed is done, he gets very antsy. He practically becomes a stranger. All the kissing, stroking and tenderness stop cold.

We’re arguing because the last time we made love, he left the room almost immediately after we were done. He tossed me a towel and disappeared into the living room, leaving me alone and naked on the bed. I waited until I realized he wasn’t coming back in to lie down next to me, talk to me or at least look at me.

I felt foolish and stormed out of his apartment without saying a word. He didn’t call out after me. He didn’t even call me until the next day to ask me what was wrong. I was embarrassed, as if I had just delivered a booty call, but he thinks I behaved like a spoiled child.

I tried to stress that after-sex behavior is just as important as before-sex behavior. He claimed his disappearing act wasn’t intentional. Then he proceeded to add that “we” just weren’t working out and we shouldn’t do “this” anymore. I was like, “Fine!” (What else could I say?) What an embarrassing experience!

So, do you think that makes him a jerk, or am I overly sensitive? I’m very curious as to how other women, and men, feel about behavior after sex?

Seduced and Abandoned — Or Was I?

As is my custom, I won’t say what advice was given to the writer of the above. If you’re curious about what it was, you can go HERE.

What I do want to know, however, is what you guys think about all this. Ladies, do you want some cuddling afterwards? If not, and the guy bounces right away (and you’re in a “relationship“), does that offend you? Same for you, fellas. Do you like to cuddle? Do you feel pressured to cuddle? Or is it like the running joke that my good friend, comedian CortneyGee and I came up with once when we were trying to one-up each other with punchlines for the time-burning question, “When does new pussy become old pussy?” (“New pussy” is interchangeable with “new dick.”)

We ran the gamut of answers with such sidesplitters as, “When she knows how much money you’ve got in the bank” to “When you meet his kids.” Finally, Cort delivered the fatal, untoppable punchline with:

“When you cum.”

Well, folks? The floor is yours. This also applies to how you feel about a partner who jumps up and showers immediately after sex. Does that bother you or not? Are you the one who jumps up and showers?

*Sigh* So many questions. So little sex.

Chicago Tribune: If your man bolts after sex, it’s time to throw in towel

Previously: The Lo Zone: In Search Of Expiration Dates.

15 thoughts on “To Bolt Or Not To Bolt…

  1. >(couldn't read the rest of the story due registration and all that)welp…i guess it depends on the person your dealing with BEFORE any sex to occur.meaning…how "well" do you know this person? let's just say "man" cause most women, particularly the ones i've been involved with, loves to snuggle afterwards. if he's cold like the aforementioned guy in the post, more than likely his demeanor was probably the same in non-sexual activities like out on a date, or just in public. (chivalry is key here ladies) how a man treats you in public can "sometimes" reflect how he'll be in bed. public affection is a turn on. but if he's not into that, what do you expect behind close doors? a lotta times women, i noticed from chit-chats, lust for the body but not for the mind…just like a guy….but wanting more, whereas a guy mostly wants to squirt and roll "over to sleep" are you willing to follow through with that? …there's more to say, but i'll defer to others comments.


  2. >That guy wasn't that into her, he was just after the booty, which is why he bounced when she stepped to him. Even if you don't cuddle, you don't bolt out of bed that quick, you at least hang around for some post conversation, eye gazing and what not. If you are going to do the shower thing, you invite her along for the ride.On the flipside, sometimes you find out that you aren't as attracted physically as you thought. Sometimes when the cat gets let out the bag, it falls all the way out the bag. It's not quite the shape you expected. Sometimes you try and roll with the punches, because she's a nice girl. Unfortunately, sex is weighted heavily early on, if it's given up early on. So sometimes a guy is excited to sleep with the woman he has envisioned through the clothes only to find out, it was all an illusion. With more feedback I go a bit further, but that's a good place to start I think.




  4. >Hush it, lance. (thinkin: always startin sh*t)This chick new what was up when she climbed into bed with him. Like Chris Rock said, if you havent met any of his friends after 4 months of dating, you are a booty call. The dick had her trippin and she came back for more. Can't say I blame her, its happend to me before. But once you get your mind back, you will see whats up and make your choices from there. But the question was do I like to cuddle? Yeah…but usually we go get something to eat.


  5. >#1)Sex is an extremely intimate act. Hence the term 'intimacy.'#2)If you don't know the person well enough, you risk being hurt by his/her post-coital behavior.#3)The bottom line is: emotional intimacy is a required prerequisite before engaging in physical intimacy.As for this 'Dear Cheryl' question, even though this couple had been together for a few months, they obviously did not take the time to get to know each other outside of the bedroom.


  6. >To answer one of the other questions. Sometimes you cuddle because SHE wants to, not because you want to. Most women want to be held, most men want to… well you know what I was going to say.


  7. >Some girls like ice cream, some girls like to cuddle and some girly girls just like to roll over and go to sleep!"There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep." ~Homer


  8. >i'm for the latter girly_girl…if she's asleep, callin' the hogs, that's my cue for "a job well done!"…(breakin' my right arm, pattin' myself on the back!)…lol…but if she was jump up and start trying to remodel the bathroom, i gotta problem.damn, DAmn, DAMN!!!!!


  9. >ya kno'…one of the most guiltiest (new made up word) pleasures, i know, which demands a "hit-it-and-quit, beat it up and bounce rush" is having sex during lunchtime. the preferred "quickie" does a few things, but i'll name two:1) keeps you from chokin' the shit outta your asshole boss or lazy fuck co-worker.2) and of course…a smile on your face the rest of the day. like, "i gotta seeeee-cret"that's why workin' 5 mins from the house is a bonus!!!!


  10. >i'm sure that many might concieve after reading Locifer's comments about our conversations that i view sex like a dog does deficating . When its over its over … well some of that is true …I'm a man that relishes the moment .. Lo always teases me about my Im in love with her proclamations only to have me call her a week, a month , a year later to say how much i loathe what ever lady i was giving props… I see that this broad has met a man alot like me (and many others I would suspect) she had an attitude with him for all the wrong reasons .. I didnt read that he didnt satisfy her … reason enough to leave anyones apartment in a rush smile … but because after the act he went back to his life … how selfish is that of her she wants to cuddle and be kiss on after sex … she needs to either get a dog or find away into one of these books Lolita writes .. cause that shit is fantasy…oh yeah Lo ive come to the conclusion as I draw closer to 40 my days of new p*ssy are over .. everything ive come across of late is either certified pre owned , used with high mileage , already been leased or damaged lolso i guess our next topic of discussion is when does used p*ssy and or d*ck become new


  11. >I lay there in dazed stupefied bliss like I had just dosed on smack…unable to do much of anything except snuggle up against her warm boddy. If somebody jumps up to "get a towel" (like you just made some mess that has to be "cleaned up") I don't like it. I just clutch an arm and a leg and say, "Just stay here for a few minutes." Eventually, I return to Earth…. If you be jumpin' up to do anything after a good nut, you ain't properly feelin' it!


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