Dear Cheryl: What is the protocol for proper behavior after sex? I’m curious about how men treat the women they’ve just made love to. I’m sure there’s a difference if it’s love versus lust or committed versus promiscuous.
Let’s take the case where the man cares for the woman and is not using her. In that case, what is expected afterward? What is normal behavior?
After being made love to, I like to spend a few minutes snuggled deep in strong arms. I like to kiss, giggle and connect on another level. I like to cuddle, if you will.
However, the guy I’ve been seeing for the last few months feels the exact opposite. When the deed is done, he gets very antsy. He practically becomes a stranger. All the kissing, stroking and tenderness stop cold.
We’re arguing because the last time we made love, he left the room almost immediately after we were done. He tossed me a towel and disappeared into the living room, leaving me alone and naked on the bed. I waited until I realized he wasn’t coming back in to lie down next to me, talk to me or at least look at me.
I felt foolish and stormed out of his apartment without saying a word. He didn’t call out after me. He didn’t even call me until the next day to ask me what was wrong. I was embarrassed, as if I had just delivered a booty call, but he thinks I behaved like a spoiled child.
I tried to stress that after-sex behavior is just as important as before-sex behavior. He claimed his disappearing act wasn’t intentional. Then he proceeded to add that “we” just weren’t working out and we shouldn’t do “this” anymore. I was like, “Fine!” (What else could I say?) What an embarrassing experience!
So, do you think that makes him a jerk, or am I overly sensitive? I’m very curious as to how other women, and men, feel about behavior after sex?
— Seduced and Abandoned — Or Was I?
As is my custom, I won’t say what advice was given to the writer of the above. If you’re curious about what it was, you can go HERE.
What I do want to know, however, is what you guys think about all this. Ladies, do you want some cuddling afterwards? If not, and the guy bounces right away (and you’re in a “relationship“), does that offend you? Same for you, fellas. Do you like to cuddle? Do you feel pressured to cuddle? Or is it like the running joke that my good friend, comedian CortneyGee and I came up with once when we were trying to one-up each other with punchlines for the time-burning question, “When does new pussy become old pussy?” (“New pussy” is interchangeable with “new dick.”)
We ran the gamut of answers with such sidesplitters as, “When she knows how much money you’ve got in the bank” to “When you meet his kids.” Finally, Cort delivered the fatal, untoppable punchline with:
Well, folks? The floor is yours. This also applies to how you feel about a partner who jumps up and showers immediately after sex. Does that bother you or not? Are you the one who jumps up and showers?