>Fellas…or ladies (if you be so inclined)…if one of your ex-girlfriends that you were still on good terms with asked you for an honest assessment of what her peeper looked like, would you tell her?
Being friends with your exes is generally not encouraged, but it can result in worthy elucidations of your character. Or your genitals.
“I need you to tell me what my vagina looks like,” I instant message my most significant and trusted ex-boyfriend.
His reply blinks on my screen a few seconds later: “Uhhh . . . like a beautiful flower?”
“Less gay,” I implore.
“A carburetor,” he deadpans, doubtlessly tittering over the slope of whichever bong is obscuring his computer screen.
And then he adds:
“If this is about, ‘Do I need a labiaplasty?’ . . . the answer is no.”
This exchange doesn’t say anything about my ex-boyfriend’s extra-sensory awareness of what I happen to be researching at any given time for any given story. No, it underscores the fact that suddenly—very suddenly—labiaplasty and other so-called “vaginal rejuvenation” surgeries have shown up on the list of Things People Actually Do.
Yup. And women are doing it with greater frequency than you might think. As the demand for revitalized snappers goes up, so does the incidence of specialists who can help give you one.
His name is Red M. Alinsod, M.D., FACOG, FACS, ACGE (<==lotta credentials there, Red). And if your cooter’s tor’ up from the floor up, he’ll happily help you fix it. Isn’t that nice of him? Here’s what he’ll do:
First, the labiaplasty.
“Labiaplasty recontours mostly the labia minora, the smaller lips, to make the vagina more appealing in the way it looks and more comfortable in its function,” he explains. “It also encompasses the surgery for the labia majora, the larger lips. That surgery is done when the lady has excess skin, or baggy or loose skin of the labia majora, and it is unappealing to the lady.”
Next, the vaginoplasty.
“Vaginoplasty narrows the diameter of the vagina and reconstructs the floor of the vagina,” says Dr. Alinsod, “so that a wide-open vagina can become tighter and create more friction for a woman when she’s having sexual relations. Vaginoplasty is a modification of a standard gynecological surgery called a posterior repair, which is a surgery to fix a defect in the floor of the vagina from a bulge, usually from the rectum, which is like a hernia in the vagina.”
There you have it. You can trade those elephant ears you’ve got for cooter lips for something less flappy, and you can get your tunnel tightened, to boot. Old peepers can become new peepers. Even grannies can get all brand-new.
What a country!!! What a world!!!