Because end-of-the-year recaps are fun (and I’m too exhausted to write an original blog post), here’s yet another post from The Lo Zone’s first year. This one, which I wrote while on book tour, was one of my favorites.
I figured I’d start with our train ride to D.C. first and work my way backwards from that.
Silena and I left the Big Apple today, off on our next adventure. Don’t worry, the posts for the New York event will follow this one. But first, I must tell you about this train ride.
We were so excited by what we just knew would be a lovely, picturesque trip to the nation’s capital. I had my laptop out and was happily working. My video iPod was at the ready for when I planned to put away the laptop and relax even more.
She was really enjoying herself, y’all. And she deserved to rest. She’s been doing a bang-up job.
Doesn’t she look chill in this picture? Right after that, she put the magazine away, put on her glasses, and settled in for a nice, long nap.
Unfortunately, ‘long‘ and ‘nap‘ weren’t on the horizon for either of us, as things quickly took a terrible, terrible turn. Our lovely little ride suddenly went from smooth sailing to a nightmarish exercise in self-absorbed cellular mania. Why?
The Asshole boarded a few minutes into our ride and plopped down next to Silena, already in full-blown loud-talking blast on his celly. He immediately alienated everyone around him (not just us), but did he care?
The Asshole just kept talking…
At one point, The Asshole turned to this guy…
The Asshole opened up his bag of food and popped the cap on his pop and began EATING AND DRINKING AND TALKING ON THE PHONE, a freaking sideshow right before all of our pissed-off eyes.
…and eating and yapping.
Silena tried to sleep through it…
…but c’mon. Please. How can you sleep through something like this?
At one point, I thought he was finally finished.
But no. He was just getting his second wind.
Because ASSHOLES don’t know how to shut the fuck up. They just regroup themselves…
…and dial somebody else.
And when that call is finished, they dial somebody else.
And then, guess what? They dial somebody else.
Just how much of a self-sucking asshole was he? Well, I’m sitting right in front of Silena in the same seat section. There are four seats and a table. That’s my laptop you see there on the table. That’s my hand on the bottled water.
In order to avoid going postal on this idiot, I jammed the earphones of my iPod into my head and began watching the copy of Lil’ Pimp good friend and loyal Lo Zone reader Lance gave me when we got together for lunch yesterday. I’d ripped it onto my laptop and imported it into my iPod. (Thank you, Lance. You probably saved this mofo’s life.) Shortly after, I saw Silena putting on the earphones to her iPod. Thank goodness for Steve Jobs. If it weren’t for him and all of Apple’s amazing innovations, there’d probably be a lot more beatdowns going on in the world than there are right now. Music and movies do, indeed, tame the savage breast.
The Asshole got so caught up in his phone calls, he had to take his jacket off to allow himself to really get into it. (Look at how Silena’s looking at him, y’all.)