While his answers can be way long-winded, some of the advice people seek from him is flat-out bananas and/or off-the-chain. Natch, I’m never really concerned about a columnist’s answers to readers anyway, so his long-windedness (??) is irrelevant. What I’m more interested in is how you would respond to some of this fuckery. Take this particular situation. How would you handle it?
I have a close friend I have known since high school whom I still keep in regular touch with. We don’t talk or e-mail frequently, but whenever I am in her area I always stop by for a visit and usually have a wonderful time with her and her husband.
Recently, however, I’ve started to feel a bit uncomfortable around her husband. I’ve long been the unattached friend who spends a lot of quality time with her married friends, and I’m always told I’m such a great person, etc., by all of them. Her husband, however, has taken this further than the rest, saying how wonderful I am, kissing me on the cheek, putting his hand on my leg … various casual gestures that have added up to my feeling more than slightly uncomfortable around him.
This situation came to a head when I last visited them around the holidays. When my friend went to bed, her husband proceeded to offer me a foot massage. He then grabbed my feet, took off my socks and performed the foot massage. I was too uncomfortable to say much and just ended the situation as soon as I could, but before I could go to bed he did something else. We were both sitting on the couch watching a movie on television, I on one side and he on the other, when he proceeded to grab me and pull me over so that I was laying next to him. I moved away from him and sat up, trying to distract him, but after I did this he proceeded to pull me back where I had been.
I quickly made my excuses about being tired and went to bed, hardly being able to sleep the entire night as I was worried he would come into my room and try something. As soon as I woke up the next morning I made my excuses that I needed to head back to my parents’ house to my friend, and left without saying goodbye to her husband. On my drive back to my parents’ house he called my phone and left a message, which I must admit I still haven’t been able to listen to.
I am horrified about this situation. I have always felt so happy for my friend, that she found happiness, and was in a very stable and positive relationship. I have always loved my visits to see her and her husband. I don’t think I’ve done anything to warrant this behavior on her husband’s part, but I don’t know how to approach the situation … if I should say anything to my friend … or if I should just let it go. I don’t get the sense, based on what I know of their social tendencies (they don’t have many — they stay at home most of the time) that her husband is behaving this way with other women. However, I know that right now I would not feel comfortable going back there to see them. I don’t want to lose the friendship that I have, but I don’t know how to tell my friend what has happened.
No Clue What to Do
Now I know what I would do, but that’s neither here nor there.
Ladies? Fellas? Has this ever happened to you? (Or perhaps you were the perpetrator?) I’d love to hear your take on this.