Okay, you guys were so responsive to yesterday’s post about the foot-fondling/ couch-cuddling husband and his wife’s “baffled” friend that I figured I’d shoot one more by you, just for shits, giggles, and barenaked controversy. This one’s a doozy that apparently comes up time and again in relationships (although not as harsh as this particular situation, I hope), and I’m sure it’s bound to get a rise out of you on some level. (Suggestion: grab a piece of that fried chicken from the prior post and eat it as you’re reading this…)
Caitlin weighed 125 when she married Matt. Her gynecologist recommended that she gain 10 pounds if she wanted to get pregnant. It worked.
“Then I pigged out while I was pregnant and gained a whopping 45 pounds. I topped out at 180 pounds on my 5-foot 8-inch frame.”
After the birth of her daughter, Caitlin got down to 155. She didn’t have to diet, breast-feeding took off the weight: “During this time, I noticed that my husband was not interested in sex at all. In retrospect, I realized that he had become rather distant and detached after my first pregnancy failed and I weighed 145 pounds, 20 pounds over what I was when we were dating.”
Caitlin asked Matt what the problem was: “I felt like I was being unfairly punished.” At first, he didn’t admit that his lack of interest was because of her appearance. He said he didn’t know what was bothering him: “Maybe he didn’t want to put undue pressure on me.”
In fact, Matt didn’t admit the problem until Caitlin told him she was tired of living without sex and was ready to file for divorce if he didn’t get some help for his lack of libido.
That’s when he told her that her body was a turnoff. If she wanted him to desire her again, she had to lose weight: “So, now the problem was in my hands.”
Caitlin’s doctor suggested a healthy diet and a support group. She took his advice and lost 10 pounds.
She weighed 145 pounds, but that didn’t seem to make a difference to Matt. He still had no interest in her sexually.
She stopped dieting and going to meetings, and she stopped losing weight.”I think that my husband’s continued disinterest in me sexually really took the wind out of my sails when I was trying to resist treats. Those yummies presented themselves as a pragmatic solution to the lack of sensual and physical fulfillment that I was experiencing. How long could I diet without getting any sex to keep me motivated?”
It has now been 2 1/2 years since Caitlin and Matt have had sex. She recently has been on a strict diet, and it’s been working. But she’s struggling to lose the last 10 to 15 pounds.
She has given herself an ultimatum: “If I don’t lose the weight and get down to 130 pounds — 5 pounds more than I weighed when we got married — by June 25, I’m filing for divorce. I love my husband deeply, but I refuse to live like this for the sake of my child. I don’t want her to witness my sadness, which has become so deep that I often cannot mask it in her presence.
“June will be three years since we had sex and more since we had good sex. If I do not value my husband and my sex life enough to reach my goal, then I should just leave. I’m really struggling with motivation right now. I just want to be close to my husband again and know that he’s attracted to what he sees. I could cry, I feel so lonely.
“And if my husband can’t muster the desire to have sex with me at only 5 pounds over what I weighed when we met, then there is far more wrong with our marriage than a little fat. Deep down, I wonder if there are other problems in my marriage. I think if I were a man, I would want to sleep with my wife, even if she looked like I do right now.”
Girlfriend now weighs somewhere between 135-140 and she’s 5’8, but that’s still too big for hubby, who wants her back at the weight he purchased her for—125.
Allllllllllright people…let her rip!!!
Chicago Tribune: Cheryl Lavin: Wife’s weight turns off her husband
Previously: The Lo Zone: What Do You Do When You’re Married To (Or Dating) An Octopus Asshole?
The Lo Zone 
>mmm, Lo, Lo, Lo. Okay, as a man who has always had more bounce to the ounce I can certainly feel for ole girl. I've been passed over, rejected, and basically told "you're handsome but" more times than I care to remember because of my weight at various times in my life. On the flip side there were periods when I was at a proper weight and had to fight em off (I didn't put up too much of a fight).The issue I have with completely taking her side in this is that apparently she wasn't aware of why her husband "selected" her. It wasn't because of her intellect, the fact she made him laugh, or that he thought she would make a good wife. It may have been because he liked the way he could "handle" her 125 pound frame or the way they fit together when they spooned or the way the indentation above her pelvic bones turned him on . . . any of those things. Then, we don't know how tall, etc. the husband is and it could be that he ain't trying to do someone who is damn near as big as he is.Yes, the vows say for better or worse, but who actually anticipates the worse?But on the real tip though, I have to ask the lady to wake up. In the end she is blaming and will ultimately punish herself because o her inability to drop the last few pounds. Seems a bit extreme and I would say she has some esteem issues at this point albeit they could have been exaserbated (sp?) by her husband's treatment of her over the past few years. My vote here is for her to drop the body weight and the dead weight of her husband and move on with her life with hopefully a alimony settlement akin to punitive damages adn get on with her life.BUT, does anyone think this guy ain't getting some on the side. Unless he has perpetual calluses on his hands from self-pleasure, he boning somebody.That's my story and I am sticking with it. 🙂
LikeLike
>uhhhhh..only because I know this is a true story will i attempt to use a measure of diplomacy…but ummmm there is more than a few angles to this story to be dealt with. I'll just tackle two.First of all, I can appreciate the woman's had the resolve to lose the weight she has already lost. Though she lost herself in the process of "why"…she still did it! I'd certainly recommend to her that sex is an excellent way to burn fat..so maybe she could share that with hubby.Now to deal with the hubby, I'm in total agreement with Juan G and his assessment of the "selection" of his wife. The main crime in that would be if he didn't tell her that he wanted her to maintain the 125lbs weight limitation. Dude obviously suffers from major control freak issues. He will ultimately cause his wife to have a breakdown and send her spiralling down the self esteem pit if they get a grip and stop tripping.I feel bad for her child more than any other victim. They are "supposed" to provide a loving nurturing environment. I guess that got lost in the shuffle of lean cuisine and Jenny Craig shakes!
LikeLike
>Her weight is not his issue. His issue lies within himself. I understand men are visual. However, life ain't perfect and things don't always stay the same.Homegirl needs to make sure she is happy with herself. If she is taking care of business at home and her weight it not the ideal 125(which is skinny for someone 5'8")then she needs to realize it is not her problem her husband is not sexing her. I think he is getting serviced somewhere else.
LikeLike
>Timely post, Lo, considering that my tactless husband just left me an article on 'laser assisted lipolyis'…The poor woman in this situation needs to file for divorce immediately. She will never be happy with her current husband. Like DC said, he (the husband) has some major control issues. I'm sure the husband doesn't look the same way he did on their wedding day…I think the the girl needs to grab her child and RUN.
LikeLike
>LOL…i love the date…june 25 is my birthday…she couldn't have picked a better deadline..hahahahahawhat up, MF!
LikeLike
>She needs to leave him, and she should have left him a long time ago. She is doing all the bending, and for what, next week he might not like her haircolor, or the lenghth, some other stupid thing to complain about. 3 years is way too long to wait on sex from your spouse.
LikeLike
>as riley from the boondocks would say: "man, this some bullshit!"c'mon y'all…the whole story is summ'd up in one paragraph: "I realized that he had become rather distant and detached after my first pregnancy failed and I weighed 145 pounds, 20 pounds over what I was when we were dating."he's just tired of her and lookin' for a way out. so, he's "flippin' the script", saying dumb shit to make her feel insecure, unwanted, unloved. that 'ol "ain't nobody gon want you cause your fat" bullshit. obviously this is from some cracka, that CAIN'T fuck or sum white-wash'd brother that grew up on 90210, cause at 5 foot 8, a buck fitty-five? sheeeeet, c'mon fellas y'all kno'..that damn near perfect. and after a baby? here are the specs. 36d – 26 – 38, what nigga gon' turn dat down? especially, the 38!!! …if you need a comparison, that's the shape of someone like mariah carey (by the way today is her b'day!)…happy b'day mimi!!!!now, unless she look like that fugly owl from yesterday, she's good to go! no way after 2 1/2 years he's not bangin' some other chick or "dude"…don't forget the DL. (also too, he probably can't get it up, therefore revert "his" problem to her, can't get it up?..that's an issue of him not wanting HER to leave) but more than likely, he's just tired of her and wants out and hoping she would divorce him. trust me, he's waiting for the divorce and got his shit together. if she's smart, she'll quit whining over him, order pizza and beer and plot to destroy his punk ass in divorce court.
LikeLike
>ROFL! Poor owl from yesterday's post. It's become the go-to poster child for fugly.
LikeLike
>I'm with the fella's he's probably boning somebody else.Now the DL and wanting out may have some merit as well. What man gets married NOT to have sex.
LikeLike