Okay, you guys were so responsive to yesterday’s post about the foot-fondling/ couch-cuddling husband and his wife’s “baffled” friend that I figured I’d shoot one more by you, just for shits, giggles, and barenaked controversy. This one’s a doozy that apparently comes up time and again in relationships (although not as harsh as this particular situation, I hope), and I’m sure it’s bound to get a rise out of you on some level. (Suggestion: grab a piece of that fried chicken from the prior post and eat it as you’re reading this…)
Caitlin weighed 125 when she married Matt. Her gynecologist recommended that she gain 10 pounds if she wanted to get pregnant. It worked.
“Then I pigged out while I was pregnant and gained a whopping 45 pounds. I topped out at 180 pounds on my 5-foot 8-inch frame.”
After the birth of her daughter, Caitlin got down to 155. She didn’t have to diet, breast-feeding took off the weight: “During this time, I noticed that my husband was not interested in sex at all. In retrospect, I realized that he had become rather distant and detached after my first pregnancy failed and I weighed 145 pounds, 20 pounds over what I was when we were dating.”
Caitlin asked Matt what the problem was: “I felt like I was being unfairly punished.” At first, he didn’t admit that his lack of interest was because of her appearance. He said he didn’t know what was bothering him: “Maybe he didn’t want to put undue pressure on me.”
In fact, Matt didn’t admit the problem until Caitlin told him she was tired of living without sex and was ready to file for divorce if he didn’t get some help for his lack of libido.
That’s when he told her that her body was a turnoff. If she wanted him to desire her again, she had to lose weight: “So, now the problem was in my hands.”
Caitlin’s doctor suggested a healthy diet and a support group. She took his advice and lost 10 pounds.
She weighed 145 pounds, but that didn’t seem to make a difference to Matt. He still had no interest in her sexually.
She stopped dieting and going to meetings, and she stopped losing weight.”I think that my husband’s continued disinterest in me sexually really took the wind out of my sails when I was trying to resist treats. Those yummies presented themselves as a pragmatic solution to the lack of sensual and physical fulfillment that I was experiencing. How long could I diet without getting any sex to keep me motivated?”
It has now been 2 1/2 years since Caitlin and Matt have had sex. She recently has been on a strict diet, and it’s been working. But she’s struggling to lose the last 10 to 15 pounds.
She has given herself an ultimatum: “If I don’t lose the weight and get down to 130 pounds — 5 pounds more than I weighed when we got married — by June 25, I’m filing for divorce. I love my husband deeply, but I refuse to live like this for the sake of my child. I don’t want her to witness my sadness, which has become so deep that I often cannot mask it in her presence.
“June will be three years since we had sex and more since we had good sex. If I do not value my husband and my sex life enough to reach my goal, then I should just leave. I’m really struggling with motivation right now. I just want to be close to my husband again and know that he’s attracted to what he sees. I could cry, I feel so lonely.
“And if my husband can’t muster the desire to have sex with me at only 5 pounds over what I weighed when we met, then there is far more wrong with our marriage than a little fat. Deep down, I wonder if there are other problems in my marriage. I think if I were a man, I would want to sleep with my wife, even if she looked like I do right now.”
Girlfriend now weighs somewhere between 135-140 and she’s 5’8, but that’s still too big for hubby, who wants her back at the weight he purchased her for—125.
Allllllllllright people…let her rip!!!