Fuckeryville: What To Do, What To Do!!!

I couldn’t help myself. I checked out our friend Cary Tennis’s column again over at Salon.com

…and unearthed more social idiocy. Something about this particular situation reminds me of the thoroughly-entertaining movie, Chasing Amy

…where one of the main characters responds in similar fashion to the situation below (fingercuffs” anyone?):

Dear Cary,

When I started dating my current boyfriend, it was as if everything fell into place. It finally felt like what I thought a relationship should feel like. I was incredibly happy, but also afraid that my boyfriend would find out something about my past that would change how he felt about me. He seemed uncomfortable with the number of people I had slept with, but it wasn’t a huge issue.

One night, after talking about a friend of ours who met his girlfriend in a threesome, he asked me if I had ever been in one. It didn’t occur to me to lie, particularly about something I consider so minor, so I answered honestly and told him yes.

After that, everything changed. [Lo: you think?] The night I told him I’d had a threesome, he cried and said he felt sick. He became so angry with me that he began to pick at me, and it seems like everything I do is wrong. Overnight, I went from being in a relationship that made me even more confident and happy with myself to being in a relationship that brings me down and constantly reminds me of my shortcomings.

It’s been six months since he found out. I asked him to get therapy, and he saw two people. He said none of their suggestions helped (one suggested that he laugh it off and make it into a joke), and they seemed to run out of ideas. Now it’s like he’s given up. We hardly ever have sex anymore, because when we have sex, he thinks about my past. He says that he sees sex as sacred, and even though he’s not religious, he has all of these rules on what is right and what is wrong. I’m not asking for his approval of my past actions, just understanding and forgiveness. I’ve tried explaining my past and why I did the things that I did, and I’ve tried to make him understand how much he means to me and how much I value sex with him, but nothing seems to make any difference. I’d made a couples therapy appointment for us, but he “has something to do then” and says he wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about this stuff to a therapist in front of me.

I can’t keep feeling so ashamed of a past I had come to terms with, but I also can’t bring myself to give up on someone that I love so much. Before the threesome fiasco, we’d been talking about marriage and our future, and now I wonder how he could have meant any of that. If he loved me so much, how could his love and respect for me be so conditional? Is there anything he can do to get over this, or am I going to have to forget about how good things used to be and move on? It’s Christmastime, and here I am trying to figure out where to live and who gets the cats and how on earth I can handle all of this hurt.

Regretting Telling

Damn right, you regret telling, you idi-ott!!!

Oops!!! I’m supposed to keep my opinions to myself until you guys express yours first.

:::starting again::: (ignore my initial reaction)

So, people…how would you handle this scenario? Do you tell about that threesome or that night with the goat? Or do you keep it to yourself to avoid unnecessary drama that has no relevance to your current relationship? Or does it?

Is this one of those questions that, no matter how you answer it, means you’ve had a threesome? Have you had a threesome?

Have you been with a goat?

Salon.com: Since You Asked: My boyfriend freaked out because I had a threesome
Previously: The Lo Zone: More Fuckery: What Do You Do When You’re Married To (Or Dating) A Weight-Watching Asshole?
Previously: The Lo Zone: What Do You Do When You’re Married To (Or Dating) An Octopus Asshole?
Previously: The Lo Zone: In Search Of Expiration Dates.

17 thoughts on “Fuckeryville: What To Do, What To Do!!!

  1. >First the disclaimer: I've never been able to handle alcohol.Rule no. 1: I don't want to know shit about your past unless it resulted in a HIV postive status and then I don't want to know the deed just the result.In my younger days when I had absolutely no inhabitions . . . oops, I need to stop drinking in the morning. Never mind.Back to the post. What is it with these people (just so happens the two so far have been women) who remain in situations with people who really aren't feeling them.If ole boy is so turned off by the fact that she got her freak on with two (she doesn't say if it was two men or one and one) then she moves on and remember to keep her damn mouth shut the next time. If boy "felt sick" after learning she had taken partying to another level then I would bet the sex wasn't all that good anyway. Can you say "missionary" boys and girls.I guess he would have had to be hospitalized if she told him she had a flexible double dildo. Of course it's used for massaging one's aching muscles. 🙂


  2. >hahahaha…i loved the pic of the menage!!!! classic!lo, you gotta add some "dumb dude" post once in awhile. right now, it's lookin' like y'all ain't got no brains, but can give up some though…. ~(;-P~~~


  3. >LOL. Juan you are crazy.I have to say old boy is being judgmental. Probably has that crazy thinking his girl had no sexual past before him or was a "good" girl. Please! I had this guy tell me he had a threesome his girl gave him for his bday. I was like Whoa, I did not want to know that ish.I personally don't want to know all of a man's sexual escapades. I am not sharing all my past either. Especially don't compare me to some other chic, like this dude once did. There is a double-standard when it comes to sex, cause if the situation was different, homeboy would say his girl is overreacting to his sexual exploring.


  4. >If you think about it, Lance, all these posts have been about "dumb dudes," really. The chicks are just gullible, slow to figure things out, and quick to spread their legs without knowing who they're spreading 'em for.But the guys in these scenarios thus far have been: a creepy foot/friend mauler who disrespects his wife with her friends; a weight-control freak/punk-ass coward who uses sex to manipulate instead of just leaving the relationship, which is what he really wants; and an extraordinarily punk-ass coward who can't take hearing about his girl's past encounters without having his weenie deflate and retract.You do the math.


  5. >this guy, like yesterday's post, is a straight ponk-ass, muh-fucka. look here, more than likely…THE REAL MAN, on a conversation like that would be trying to get the name, address and the digits of the chick she had that "trois" with, so he could get some of that action!why is it a problem? hell…she did it before!…lol


  6. >i can see the guy being dumb, weak, whatever in these roles, but it's rarely do we see a "flip the script" type of role reversal. naah, mean?


  7. >Whoah! What rock do these guys crawl out from under? I have wanted to comment on each of these Dear Abby letters! I guess these are the "insecure, angry white guys" who voted for Bush! Man!Seems we are developing a pretty good checklist for women to carry around when dating a new man! First, tell him over dinner about your three-way and see how he reacts! Personally, I have found that information very exciting! Gee, a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality and ejnoys expressing herself – lustily!These guys are all punks, and these women don't exactly sound like they got it goin on either, otherwise they wouldn't get themselves into sticky situations (ie: the foot massage), or take three years of NO SEX – married or not, or hang around some baby who can't see his girlfriend enjoying two men, two women, or some combination thereof! I mean GET OVER IT! That's why I live in and LOVE the Bay Area (I like the way we roll in Oaktown!)…. believe me folks, we have been over it since the 70's out here! How can these women fight for these relationships that make them feel so shitty? Really – there aren't any more men out there? And you best be knowin who you are datin before you even go on the date, or at least not a second date. First thing I find out is a woman's politics – if she's Republican, I'm askin for the bill right now! Then, is she down with all people… I have cringed at the ignorant comments from some of the white women I have dated( yes, there were a few)! Talk about not understanding other cultures… Yes, there are lots of racists out there today. Like Chris Rock said of Michael Richards on Bill Maher the other night, "What's a guy gotta do to be labeled a Racist in this country, shoot Medgar Evers or somethin?" If she don't even know who Medgar Evers is, then that's a failure on several levels…. I just can't figure out how people fall for someone who is politically, philosophically, sexually, and socially an opposite??? Then they say this guy makes them "so happy." Like what, he has a pulse? Maybe it's cause I live with a Scorpio with Tarus rising! You don't be puttin nothin on her if you can't duck fast! But then again, that's the kind of woman I'm attracted to – Strong: mentally, sexually, emotionally. It just seems to me that these people – the men and the women – are good examples of what you got in your average folk in this country today. Their whole world view comes right out of the National Enquirer! Like Bikram Choudhry (founder of Bikram Yoga – my guru!) says: "If you have a junk body, a screw-loose mind, and a lost soul, what have you got?" You got the folks writing these letters, that's who! Who wants to place oneself in that milieu in the first place? – and if that seems "elitist," my reply is that no, that's just survival. Surround youself with vital, thinking, feeling people who are committed to making the world a better place and shine on the rest of 'em. When someone comes to me with one of these Us Weekly drama tales, I tell them to get away from it as fast as they can… Do not tollerate that sort of behavior from anyone! And if they go right back to it, then you know what? They probably want to be there, and that's a real problem. They got issues…. too many to count most of the time.


  8. >You tell 'em, Willie D!!!And yaaaaaaaay, you finally commented (at length) on the blog!!! (Even though I know you've commented before, it's still great to see you go off on such an extended rant.)


  9. >Hey family!!! If he is so sick about the situation…why are they still together. Get rid of the heffa. Hell..and what is wrong with being a freak. Hell, he shouldn't have asked the question if he didn't want the answer.By the way….I know I'm late…but welcome back LO. Rich did a great job while you were out taking care of business…and yes I have already purchased the latest book (novella).


  10. >Uh Lance, I think you missed the point… the "three way" was with two men and her, not her, a guy and another woman… kind of takes the fun out of it, no? You think boy woulda become sick to his stomach fantasizing about his girl making it with Cameron Diaz and some guy, or over her makin it with a couple linebackers from the New York Giants? Funny how we project…. And while we're at it talkin bout 3-ways… what "men" in this blog have had the opportunity to be with another man and a woman and were cool with it? I mean come on, two women and a guy is too easy, no?


  11. >based on the post, i think it's all interpetation….i was thinking 2 gals/1 guy, if it was 2 guys/1 gal that's more like "runnin' a train" or a "gangbang". but i don't think most guys would "run that train" on his girlfriend or "woman" unless their just "extremely" swinging.


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