I Wonder How Chicken Will Affect My Sons’ Balls?

If I had sons, that is. Or decided to have some. Because I eat a lot of chicken.*

I’ll bet all that chicken would make my boys’ boys packed tighter than my suitcase when I do book tours in the winter.

Yeah. I’m guessing moms who eat a lot of chicken give birth to sons up to their eyeballs in super-sperm, because the ones who eat a lot of red meat**…

…thanks to all the chemicals in it, sure as hell don’t.

The University of Rochester found men whose mothers ate a lot of beef during pregnancy had lower sperm counts.


…although the US banned the use of some growth promoters in 1979, others, such as the sex hormones testosterone and progesterone, are still in use in the beef industry.


They found those whose mothers ate more than seven beef meals a week had an average sperm concentration of 43.1 million sperm per millilitre of seminal fluid.

In contrast, the sons of mothers who ate less beef had an average of 56.9 million sperm.

There you have it, people.

Red meat = puny-balled boys.

Chicken = men with monster nuts.

Big Nuts #2

At least, that’s how I interpreted it.

*And no, I’m not so naive that I don’t know that chicken is as chockfull of hormones as all the rest of those Frankenfoods being shoved at us these days, but I try to be mindful of healthier, more organic chickens. Unless I happen to pass a Church’s, Popeye’s, or KFC. Or Roscoe’s.

**While you bullshittin’ though, that steak looks mad delicious!!!

BBC News:Beef diet ‘damages sons’ sperm’

9 thoughts on “I Wonder How Chicken Will Affect My Sons’ Balls?

  1. >dayum MWB…spike shoulda did a moobie on you vs that "she hate me" flick……..but when the courts comes a callin' fo' child support, run like hell!


  2. >note to self…never look mwb in the eyes…reminds me of some comedian talking about never look Prince in the eyes cause hes too pretty…was that Bellamy???


  3. >uhhh…first of all, who eats SEVEN beef meals a WEEK? Isn't that kind of a lot of red meat?When I was pregnant with both of my sons, beef AND chicken grossed me out. I wonder what THAT means…


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