Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #4!!!

It’s the fourth entry in our literary polling game, Really Good Or Really Shitty!!!, where…

YOU DECIDE

…what great literature is…or isn’t.

Respect due to my three muses


Big Willie


Lady T.

…and my life-changing high school teacher…


Mary and her husband Gareth

Mary Pittman-Jones.

Alright everybody, LET’S PLAY THE GAME!!! Here’s today’s excerpt:

It was deathly quiet, except for the occasional chirping by the crickets, and splashing of water, it was in fact the perfect place to commit a murder. They called him a punk. For as long as he could remember he always had to prove himself. Prove that he was better, tougher, stronger than the rest. Tests, challenges, were second nature to him. They should know that by now, but they knew nothing. They demanded a life with ill regard to the repercussions. He was smarter than the twelve of them put together, punk wannabees, leading each other by their own minute dicks, and they had the nerve to call him a punk. The thought of twelve of them strung together like sausages made him laugh. He struggled to pull her out of the water. Dead weight, weighed considerably more than the living, a fact that always puzzled him. She was little, tiny even, no more than a hundred pounds, and yet she felt like she had doubled in weight. His shoulders hurt and his wrists twisted in pain as he pulled her to the edge of the marsh, and dumped her near a pile of dead timber. She resembled a Black Raggedy Ann. Her clothes were in shreds, and her once beautiful hair, lay matted and tangled with bark and all sorts of things. He pulled a piece out of her hair and his heart jumped, even in death she still had the same eyes, still looked at him the same. It was a fearful stare of disbelief, of something gone wrong, a friend betrayed. He covered her face with a plastic grocery sack, no longer wanting to be reminded of her tearful pleas or the beauty that remained even in the face of death. She was beautiful, by far one of the prettiest girls on campus. He had thought so the very first time he saw her. She was nice too, a good girl, smart, kind and always smiling. He lingered over her, remembering her warmth, just hours ago. It was so easy, and perfect, yet he felt a tinge of regret because he would no longer be able to savor her sweet lips and that pissed him off more than anything. All is fair in love and war and right now he was at war. Every action, every plan had been put in place, to be executed and for sake of the one and only, Blood.

The poll is completely anonymous. Vote your conscience, people. Keep it real.

*Update: This poll officially closed at the end of the day on Thursday, April 5, 2007. The results will be posted on tomorrow (Friday) April 6th!!!

Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #3: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #3!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #2: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #2!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #1: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty!!! Part 1 (Or, WWM3MS…What Would My 3 Muses Say?)

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5 thoughts on “Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #4!!!

  1. >I am no expert but there is some very good imagery at work here. What prevents me from rating it excellent is there are so many great images that I feel a little overwhelmed. I would have loved for the author to invoke some of the other senses — was there a smell associated with the body after being in the water for whatever period of time it was there, etc. The word that comes to mind is layering and while I know we have space limitations here this excerpt could be longer and pull the reader in so deep that you wouldn't want to put it down.But opinions are like a#&holes, everyone has one and that's mine.

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  2. >LOL@DC, naw my brother I don't want to smell a dead body, but I would think that a character so attuned to what's happening in the moment would notice a damp, moldy, or whatever odor not necessarily the odor of decomposition. I love the ragdoll imagery to denote a limp and lifeless state particularly with the eyes open.

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  3. >yeah, the imagery was working big time. at first, i was reminded of lo's s.l.m.f with…(well i don't wanna say cause sumbody ain't read it (SEX.LIES.MURDER.FAME…shameless plug) yet and gon be pissed w/me for spoilin' it) …but anyway. very, very dark, like a frank miller's "sin city" darkness.

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