Putting The ‘Fuck’ In Fuckery.

I figured we’d start this Monday off with another one of those ultra-ridiculous Cary Tennis columns

…over at Salon.com. This one’s about as super-silly as it gets:

My boyfriend, “Leighton,” has been pressuring me to do things that I’m uncomfortable with. Shortly after we began dating, he told me that he likes to frequent strip clubs. Many of my male friends do as well. However, their attendance is limited to bachelor parties and post-breakup cheering-up sessions. It turns out that Leighton likes to go more often than that. Going to a strip club is one of his favorite activities, and he will even go alone if he can’t find an available friend. This makes me uncomfortable, but I am willing to accept it. I’m not interested in making anyone change. People aren’t made of clay to be sculpted in accordance with my preferences.

Unfortunately, Leighton doesn’t feel the same. He wants me to go with him. I have told him that that is something that I would never do. I don’t wish to see flesh-and-blood women turned into sexual objects. I don’t wish to see a naked woman writhing on someone’s lap a few feet away. I don’t want to witness my boyfriend lusting after someone else. Ick! I live in Canada and apparently our strip clubs are very raunchy, more so than in the United States. Leighton keeps insisting that I go. He says that he wants to share his favorite activity with his significant other.

This next part is why I’m asking advice from a stranger. I can’t bring myself to mention this to my friends — it’s too embarrassing. Here it goes, down to brass tacks:

He also keeps insisting that I have anal sex with him. I’m not ready to do that yet, maybe in a few years. Once when we were in bed together, he told me to close my eyes while he excused himself for a moment. When he returned, he put handcuffs on me (without asking) and told me that he could do anything that he wanted to. Even have anal sex with me. He didn’t. I was furious and scared. I felt completely helpless, and not in an exciting or enjoyable way. After, he said that his restraint demonstrated that he could be trusted. He says that if I really trusted him, I would satisfy his desires. He compares me to his other girlfriends, who all apparently accompanied him to strip clubs and let him in the back door. He says that I am uptight and that I should get over my inhibitions. He says that if I loved him, I would do what he wanted. He says that there is something wrong with me.

I’ve only had one other sexual relationship. “Steve” and I started dating when I was 19 and we shared eight happy years together. Over the years I went from being a girl who might like to be a mother to a woman who definitely did. Steve went from a boy who wasn’t sure if he wanted to be a father to a man who definitely did not. Now we are great friends. We had wonderful, exciting, inventive sex. We didn’t experience the boredom that many couples complain of. I still wanted to rip off his clothes even after eight years.

Being with someone new is different. I’m not sure what’s right. Am I obliged to do something I find distasteful just to satisfy my boyfriend? Do I sound uptight? Do other people routinely compare their new lovers to the old ones? Why am I expected to behave like them? How will doing something I find demeaning or undesirable prove my love? I don’t think it’s a fair thing to ask. I’m confused. Are Leighton’s demands typical? They feel controlling and manipulative. Am I overreacting? I’ve never been asked to do anything sexually that I wasn’t willing to try. I don’t know how to respond.

What to do, what to do, what to do!!!

Well, how would y’all advise ol’ girl?

Is some K-Y looming in her future?

Salon.com: Since You Asked: I Don’t Like Strip Clubs
Previously: The Lo Zone: Fuckeryville: What To Do, What To Do!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: More Fuckery: What Do You Do When You’re Married To (Or Dating) A Weight-Watching Asshole?
Previously: The Lo Zone: What Do You Do When You’re Married To (Or Dating) An Octopus Asshole?

8 thoughts on “Putting The ‘Fuck’ In Fuckery.

  1. >She's dumb as hell if she goes for that. Considering this is boyfriend #2 for her, she needs to find #3 real fast. You can have your azz turned out all you want, this isn't your future baby's daddy, this is the guy who'll be asking for that threesome in a minute. He's just…..loosening you up. If she was down for playing the back nine, that would be one thing, but clearly she's not interested in that. No one should do anything they are uncomfortable with just because they are feeling pressure. Nine times out of ten old boy is going to be burning out pretty soon anyway.


  2. >I just don't get it. I don't want to watch anotha chick strip. I don't need to learn how to strip either. I got my own skillz and if a man does not like it fuck em. LOL.I find it so crazy that a man would think taking his girl to the strip club could be entertainment for her. Some women don't care and feel they get informed about what their men like. Funny how if a woman asked a man to see what she likes in a strip club and for her man to learn how to strip for her, it would be considered "faggot" for him to go. SMH.


  3. >Handcuffed and since he showed restraint that equals trust. Man, that could equal a beat down while the MF is sleep. LOL.Sounds like he is trying to control her.


  4. >Do adults really continue to need this kind of advice/validation from others? Wow – maybe i really am "different" – I thought I was just using my own mind & making my own decisions! It takes two to tango – if u don't like the 'tango' SIT out or go find the place where they "do the dances" U like! DAYUM, how hard is that?


  5. >it sounds as though you are not sexually compatible with this guy: he wants to do things sexually that you do not want to do. i agree with a previous poster, i suspect a threesome in the future (if you stay with him).it sounds as though you two have only been an "item" for a short period of time, i would suggest you start looking for another "item," because if you even had to ask the question… i have a feeling you already know the ANSWER!


  6. >First of all Shai, everyone knows that men watching men strip is sick, but women watching women strip, women touching each other, women…well, you get the picture…that's all just natural and beautiful. I don't think God minds girl on girl so much. It just looks like it feels so right.Secondly, why is this lame-o asking questions she already knows the answer to…good Lord! Everyone knows that women should let their boyfriends pound their choco-box! That's just common knowledge.


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