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I read “Slaughterhouse-Five” nearly 15 years ago, and I hated it. I hated it because I couldn’t deal with the idea that we have no free will.
I’ve always suspected that my life would be one of great mediocrity, but goddammit, I want to be great at something besides mediocrity. I want my life to mean something. I want to leave this place better than I found it. I want my life to matter. But if I have no free will, then I have no ability to change my mediocre ways.
I have some big fucking dreams and they are wonderful dreams. They are dreams where I save innocent lives and build magnificent machines and start wonderful organizations and spread spiritual faith and fuck beautiful women and travel the world and befriend convicted murderers and rescue stray dogs and start overdue revolutions.
But, truth be told, I don’t do much to make these dreams happen. And maybe … maybe I don’t have what it takes to change the world. Maybe I’m supposed to be the kind of guy who raises his kids to be good people and builds pinewood derby cars and works at an anonymous job and goes to church and marries a good woman and buys a house on a cul-de-sac and fears convicted murderers and rescues stray dogs and watches the revolution from afar, living vicariously through the revolutionaries while silently screaming, “Viva la Revolución!”
I’ve got a good woman, and she’d love to marry me. She’ll even help me explore my dreams, as long as I promise to come home every night and fall asleep next to her.
How do I figure out whether my destiny is to change the world or to settle down into an average life? And if it’s the answer I think it is, how do I let go of my dreams of saving the world and embrace the realities of Tupperware and Easter bunnies and furniture sets and falling asleep in the arms of a good woman every night for the rest of my life?
Salon.com – Cary Tennis Article: I dream of living a heroic life but I fear I’m just mediocre
Posted by Rich (subbing for Lo)
The Lo Zone 
>I wonder how many other poor married saps feel this way?Don't go for the saddle man. Run wild and free. Focus and them dreams will come in a lot clearer.
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>I think everyone should sit quiet more often to hear the voice of God/The Creator (whatever U call the spirit that made u) regarding whether we're built to be heroic on a grand scale or on the 'every day down here on the ground' humanistic scale…imho we're all (s)heroes in this life.
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>I'm with you, MWB…run wild and free, absolutely.
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>well, i was one of those "poor married saps"…in search of a filmmaking career, ex-wifey seemed interested at first, (maybe it was the hollywood lights and the allure of possible riche$) but when i had to put in the long writing hours, hard networking and the results weren't coming back as quickly as SHE hoped, it began to seem like a waste of time in HER mind and of course, SHE didn't have any dreams to foster HER wants and desires. go figure.this is one of the reasons why i haven't remarried, the support system. i got your back 100% and i would hoped you got mine, through thick and thin. not just for the moment but for the long term.
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>I don't have an answer for ole dude, but i loved the way he expressed…perhaps a career in writing high crime, suspense novels can satisfy him???? Who don't live vicariously through some good fiction, hell i do!
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>I live wild free and following my dream and what does it get me but bitter ex's that …. you know what I'm done with that heheeheheheI do live my life as I see fit .. THE CREATOR and I have a program we are working on .. of course HIS time isn't in accordance with when I think I should blowuptuate but it's all gravy I keep it pushing and pray that one day I'll get called freom the bench to score 30 and win the joint .. ya dig dude your life is your life .. dream within the walls of your marriage
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>oh by the way Rich you stole my next subject title for a hate filled blog .. glad you did now I can go back towards the good side of the force I had become Lord Darth Gizzle …….Muuuuuahahahahahahahaah ( GG you know you gets mad love for helping me with my diabolical laughter ! Graci!)
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>two more cents after reading every's comments;-)WHY does one need to have EITHER …OR? Why CAN'T we RUN free while we're running hand-in-hand? GD'it I refuse to marry some slob who's happy sitting his fat azz on the couch screaming Viva La Revelucion (or whatever) as he cheers the world on with his beer!Find your dream/niche/calling, find your soul-mate/whoever u adore&adores U & RUN FREE! but make sure u pay the bills so when u're tired of running u have somewhere to rest. lol!Hey GG – u're still married – don't u run free? even when in the aisles of walmart? & u, too, Rich – don't tell me that marriage prevents the running free… heck, i'm not yet married, but i can't completely lose my mind if i want to maintain the lifestyle of comfort that i have. CG – "blowuptuate"? LOVE it! lol!
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>cameo said it best in the song "single life":"every little thing you domakes me smileand if I had my way, babyi'd drive you up the walli'd take you through the pagesone by onei don't wanna get too seriousi just like having fun"hence the reason WHY i stay single…too easy, less drama…but there's always that ONE sista that'll have me wrapped around her fingers, til we are beneath the sheets. flip da skript fo' sho!… (;-P
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>"Hey GG – u're still married – don't u run free?" ~CCI hate to break to you Cap, but, NO, I most definitely DO NOT run free.
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>I hear ya GG. I am not married. I do have a kid and I can run free NOW. When she was younger I could. Hale, I have to still be on the watch cause when I leave who knows what the chile could be gettin into. LOL. SMH.
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>Daaannnng, Girly Gurl…u just burst my l'il dream bubble…'though I'm determined to continue RUNNING FREE albeit hand-in-hand….in the words of u & CG "muuuahhhahahhahhahahhhaaa" (not sure if i've got the evil laugh down pat – but u get my drift:-).Don't know if the brother is ready for me – but oh well, READY or NOT! lol!
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>Marriage is the fastest way to lasso in a Stallion. Once he walks down the isle, he's stuck doing pony rides. Other than that. I pleads the fifth.
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>I feel for my married heads who don't feel some freedom. (smh) Why are you still in the marriage if you don't feel the freedom you need? Are we just catching you on a bad day? Trust me–I know how bad days in marriage can go! I've been free for 5 years now!
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>It all comes down to brass tax. As Lance said early on, women will give you so much time to make some bucks following your dream, but one day you come home and she's screaming about bigger houses and where your son Freddy is going to attend college. And the space of time given is usually about two weeks. Okay, that's a lie, but not far removed from the truth.Years ago I dated an Indian girl whose parents despised me, first for my white skin, second because I wanted to be…gasp….a writer. Who in the hell marries someone who's following that dream? She wanted to be arranged by her parents (incredibly, she was raised in the States and STILL wanted that!) and she wanted that someone to come pre-packaged with the million dollar house and twin Mercedes in the garage. Never found out what happened with her.In conclusion I must state that I've been busting my ass daily to get to the next stage in my writing career. Hollywood is not for the weak, to be sure. I sent in my latest script, a thriller, to my agent a month ago. Had a meeting with him tonight and he's just informed me that he's already in negotiations to sell.So, take that Mary Antony (the Indian girl)! Besides, you couldn't cook worth a shit.
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>Way to go Matt! I love it when dreams are fulfilled (filled full).
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>you go matt! we'll drink up once i get to LA!
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>Yaaaay, Matt! I know all about those Indian girls and their parents–probably because I am one. Be thankful you escaped when you did!!!
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>Thanks, all! I am going to write more later but right now I'm going to pass out for a day or three.Congrats to Girly Girl on her upcoming published works!!Thanks, Rich! And Lance, hurry up and get out here. I'm not going to wait until Fall to drink…:)
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