Consider the following Tales from the Front column from the Chicago Tribune:
Dear Cheryl: 10 years ago I was in a long-term relationship.
I was desperately in love with Christopher and thought he felt the same. We talked many times about marriage.
After dating for five years, he abruptly dumped me. I was flabbergasted and vowed that if I ever felt strongly enough about a man to want to marry him, he had four years in which to propose. If not, I would break off the relationship.
For a long time, I dated many men who were fun but not marriage material, so I didn’t have to worry about this. However, I’m now dating Bryce, whom I really love. But I’m scared.
We’ve been together for 3-1/2 half years and are having the same type of marriage conversations that I had with Christopher.
Bryce says he loves me and wants a future with me, but it never goes beyond talk. He doesn’t know about my four-year rule.
Do I warn him now about what will happen in six months or just enjoy the relationship until then and then explain why I’m breaking up?
I detest ultimatums, and both options sound like one, but I’m in my early 30s and not getting any younger.
I love Bryce very much and the thought of breaking up tears me apart, but I feel quite strongly about the decision I made so long ago.
— I’ve Got a 48-Months-and-You’re-Out Rule
Have you ever waited too long for someone and felt like you weren’t valued or got left altogether after wasting a whole lot of time?
Conversely, have you ever known right away that you and your partner were exactly right for one another?
Just what gives in the relationship do-si-do when it comes to the question of marriage?
Chicago Tribune.com: Tales from the Front: 4 years is 3 years too long for a guy to make up his mind
12 thoughts on “>Wait For Love.”
>i have kept women at bay for way too long .. if i was to get married it would be so automatic and vegas style .. rodman/electra stylee'
>Within two months of meeting Dave, he proposed. A few months after that, we were married. My point is: it's different for each relationship. Dave was the right person for me; that's why things moved so quickly.
>I've backed off chicks because I knew they were wife material but I was still playing. Conversely, I've stayed with girls that knew weren't wife material and I felt like it was cool for that space and time.I don't feel like it takes all day. You can tell when things are working and when they are not. The thing is getting past that initial phase where everybody tries to keep things perfect. I figure if you are inside of year two, you know without a doubt. Either you are trying to change something you don't like about them or they are trying to change you. Either way, the decision needs to be made to poop or get off the pot. Nothing is perfect in marriage, even if you are having a good time, there will be things that make you wonder why in the hell you married that person.
>Homegirl was tripping to me. She has a rule and the other person does not know. SMH. Now she is giving him 6 months to get it together on a rule she set for him that she did not share. I don't believe she is ready to get married in the first place.I have only had one relationship I thought was leading to marriage, he wanted to get married and so did I. Later, he broke things off. I have to say that I see where I let seeing someone last longer than it should. If you get past a year dating someone, more than likely you can tell if that is the person for you.
>i am tired of trying to figure out relationships and men. but i feel all of u on what u r saying. that chick's '48 months or go' rule actually makes me laugh. i like how she chose it to be a year short of when she got dumped. she is holding the new guy accountable for the bitterness she has because of some other man. booo on her.
>excellent post and comments. I don't like to date just for the purpose of dating.I am out of my non relationship-just sex phase and only look forward to having Mrs. M.Life's too short and the reisk of hurting someone else or dying from AIDS is too much for me. I'm good.I believe that immediately is the best time to get married.The Bible says.."Better to marry than to burn"….i'll go along with that as my guide.
>I don't believe in long engagements, unless that's what both parties want. I believe you may know immediately, but taking some time to get to know someone will serve you better in the end. In other words, don't jump at the first frog you kiss, just because you think he's a prince in hiding.
>She needs to stop going into every relationship looking for a ring. I say just enjoy the ride. Just because you want to be married, doesn't mean you will ever get there.
>I think people know sooner than later whether they are interested in a long-term relationship with someone. Sometimes you know immediately and other times it might take months. If a person is unsure after a few years, then obviously that person isn't the one.
>dc_speaks, HIV hardly stops at the married couple's door. Or every other disease, for that matter. Also, your choice of reference material to quote is rife with strong advice for husbands, pertaining to the subjugation of women.If you fear the girl you're dating, better marry her. If you fear sexually transmitted disease, better off becoming celibate.
>@Matt: just dc is fine…let me clarify that my reference of marrying has nothing to do with fear of the woman. it rather deals with the idea of "burning" to describe passion to "do the do/lust" comparable to buying the cow theory. fear sir, is not an option. LOL
>I hear ya DC. I once lived with a woman who was fairly well off. Nice horse ranch, very quiet, large parcel of property. I recall she used to tell me how to eat, how to dress, how to do her, etc. Then one day she said, "We could get married, you wouldn't have to work. You could stay here and write all day, every day." I thought about it but figured I didn't want to spend my days like Kunta Kinte. Besides, most days I spent languashing in the fact that I really, really wanted to do her 16 year old daughter.