What’s The Opposite Of Mr. Right?

Ha!!! I’ll bet you think it’s Mr. Wrong.


Just like hate isn’t the opposite of love (I’m guessing “indifference” would be that), the opposite of Mr. Right is probably…*drumroll*…

In the May 3rd issue of The New York Observer, the popular column, Sex and the City

…(yes, that Sex and the City…the one written by dating and social scene doyenne Candace Bushnell

…that originated in The New York Observer in 1994 and spawned an insanely-popular cable series and a high-end shoe explosion that would destroy women’s bank accounts for years to come)…

…well, that column makes an appearance once again, written by the woman herself. The topic?

In the article, seven women discuss a well-heeled, physically average man on Manhattan’s social scene whom they all ended up becoming emotionally-entangled with on the way from or to relationships that really mattered:

“I was waiting for a table at Blue Ribbon,” [Jackie] said. “He walked up to me and started talking. He was instantly funny. I thought, ‘Omigod, we’re really clicking. But I’ll probably never hear from him again.’” Everyone nodded. After all, hadn’t we all been there before?

He called at something like 8 the next morning,” Jackie said. “‘Want to go out to lunch?’ he asked. He asks you to lunch at Bilboquet the next day.”

Then while you think he’s still funny and clever, he asks you to go away with him for the weekend,” said Jackie.


Ramona sighed. “[…] I had just broken up with someone and I was pretty upset. He was always there.”

A pattern emerged. “He’s rebound man,” Sarah said, definitively. “It’s like, ‘Excuse me, are you broken? Let’s get intimate.’

He’s the emotional Mayflower,” said Chloe. “He gets women from point A to point B. You arrive at Plymouth Rock feeling enormously better.

His ability to empathize was a strong point. The phrase, “He’s just like a girl,” came up over and over again. “He reads more fashion magazines than most women,” said Sapphire, “and he’s much more willing to fight your battles than he is his own.”

He’s extremely confident,” Chloe continued.


And then there’s the sex. “He’s awesome in bed,” said Sarah.

They always are.

Still, sooner or later it seems, Mr. (or Ms.) Right…for Right Now, or even Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong, becomes someone else’s Mr. (or Ms.) Right.

That same guy/girl who was an absolute asshole to you (and a few other people)…

…can ultimately become a good husband/wife and a good dad/mom to someone…

…able to see the error of his/her asshole-ish ways. I know several former assholes who’ve become (seemingly) good husbands/wives. But how is that possible? Could it be they finally met someone with whom they strike the perfect chord, or is that much too unlikely?

The soulful Jill Scott once sang:

Your background it ain’t squeaky clean, shit
Sometimes we all got to swim upstream</span
You ain’t no saint, we all are sinners
But you put your good foot down and make your soul a winner

Those are some profoundly powerful words that beg deeper insight. Can a sinner put his or her proverbial “good foot” down? I mean, seriously? Do these “relationship felons” (my term!!! I just coined it!!! me, me, me!!!) deserve a chance?

What say you to these things? Maybe the better questions are:

Can self-professed cocksmen and sportfuckers become one-woman men (or can a woman who likes a varied and wide assortment of, um, “pipe” settle for just one piece…forever)? Can a guy/girl who was once a flat-out asshole or someone who doesn’t even hide that he/she is only interested in getting sex with no further plans on being a fully-commited, loving partner (the signs are always there if you’re paying attention) ever evolve into what’s classified as a “good catch“?

Can somebody’s Mr. (or Ms.) Horribly Wrong

…become someone else’s Mr. (or Ms.) Wonderfully Right?*

Conversely, have you ever shit on someone (on purpose, collaterally, or accidentally), and then gone on to subsequent faithful, loving, committed behavior with another (and did you feel any remorse or the need for penitence for prior bad behavior)? Or is the adage “Once a dog, always a dog” true? (Which would mean all dogs/assholes who are now married are still doggish assholes, either openly or in disguise.)

Do tell, people, do tell…

*And, if things didn’t go well with someone you were feeling, did it infuriate you to see him/her act right with someone who came right after you? If so, have you ever been tempted (or actually decided) to intervene?

**Also, if things ultimately go badly for your Mr. (or Ms. Wrong) and the one they really want things to work out with…

…do you find yourself experiencing an excessive amount of schadenfreude and redemption as a result of their demise?

***BTW, the blog The Bitter StickGirl is fuckin’ brilliant!!!

New York Observer.com: ‘We Loved a Serial Dater’: Seven Women Talk About Him
The Bitter StickGirl

23 thoughts on “What’s The Opposite Of Mr. Right?

  1. >I do believe that it is possible to become the mr./ms. right for the "right" person. True love can make even the most whorish of people turn over a new leaf. Even jerks deserve a little love.


  2. >Having been a previous bad boy turn good myself. I would have to agree that a bad guy can turn good. We usually end up bad from previous pain, so I guess in the end love does conquer all.


  3. >I definitely think that people can change. The man I married had a rep for being a player when we first met. He didn't lie about it and I wasn't interested, but he made it known that he was really feeling me. He dropped everybody and I was still suspicious but he stepped up and stepped right and we haven't looked back since. 14 years and he's loyal to the bone.I'm like Dawnya. People deserve a break. It sucks when people work their sh-t out on others before they get it right, but that's a part of the human struggle.


  4. >Sometimes people just click. It's that simple. Damn let a dog have his day. Some folks are just quick to throw stones at you for even trying, especially if it didn't work with out them. Usually the one throwing stones is a playa hatin bitch ass. Let that shit go and live your own life.BRICK CITY IN DA HEEZY!!!! YEAH!!!!!


  5. >I once heard a long time ago from a co-worker, the right person is the person whose BS you can put up with.What I don't like someone else might. One person's trash is another's treasure.I do believe, myself, included that egos are high when we get upset that someone who wronged us can actually treat the next person better.Yes, you forgive others. Doesn't mean they are immune from reaping what they have sown. Sometimes the lessons are in the hard azz reaping for folks to change.


  6. >First of all, I love the word 'sportfuckers.'Secondly, as with anything, there is no concrete, perfect example. My Mr. Right may be someone else's Mr. Wrong. I have friends that are married to guys that I don't necessarily care for–but their relationship works for them. Who are we to judge what's right and wrong in a relationship–feel me?


  7. >We're a Puritan-based society that has people straightjacketed into impossible relationship ideals… some people have tried to think outside the box. Nena O'Neill, the co-author (with her husband) of the ground breaking book, "Open Marriage" (published in 1972) died this past year, and in an interview conducted several months before she passed, she stated that the model they proposed for a more "open and enlightened" relationship did not anticipate the role that jealousy would play in those marriages that tried to be more open (and the model isn't just about sex, but the entire range of man – woman roles, mores, etc.). To whit, a good friend of mine recently broke off her engagement to a wealthy lawyer with whom she was living because as soon as they moved in together and got engaged, he thought he owned her and would not even let her talk on the phone with her girlfriends because he was so jealous of her having any other relationships, even her close female friendships! Basically, most people are operating at a very low level of consciousness in their relationships. They behave like 16 year old kids instead of mature adults. No wonder there is so much pain and suffering. For a very good related story, read "Sifting Through the Ruins of Infidelity" from yesterday's NYT in the Style Section… talk about harsh attitudes…. I read Shogun by James Clavell when I was in college and have never forgotten it. I think they got it right in 18th century Japan! Just a whole lot more mature, wiser attitude toward man-woman relationships, and an understanding of the various types of human needs and the role they play…. Maybe it was really that way, and maybe it was just Clavell's imagination. Whatever, it made a whole lot more sense than our narrow attidutes.


  8. >Bravo, WillieD,It is so important for a marriage to be open–and I don't mean sexually, so everyone just calm down. Each partner needs to accept faults as well as attributes.


  9. >So GG, you don't believe in reaping what you sow? My focus has been mainly playas. If they have been down and dirty, if they get it back then is that being judgmental?


  10. >Shai why are you so caught up in all this reaping what you sow bizness? Girly Girl didn't say she didn't believe in that. She said who are we to judge. If you believe in a Higher Power, then He'll sort out all the rest and hold the person accountable. If you don't, then maybe that's why you're all caught up on reaping.Unless you're beyond reproach in every area of your life, I wouldn't be so caught up in checking to see whose karma's catching up with them or not.


  11. >Truth, I KNOW I am not without sin. However, playas kill me they call us who want to not play haters and then get mad when karma hits them. Just like the don't snitch rule, I don't buy into that stuff.


  12. >Right, EXACTLY, truth hurts…I believe enough in God to know that only he can judge.I prefer not to use up all of my positive energy on people who do not deserve it in the first place!!!


  13. >OK…first off…those stick people where HELL-A-RE-OUS…LOL. Now, I have a funny thought about this subject, because I DON'T really believe those 'relation felons' (by the way…I'd like the rights to use that…LOL) were ever REALLY guilty, I just think they were in the wrong place at the wrong time…and the only crime commited was cheating themselves out of happiness. HUM? I think everybody wants that MEGA-BONE (no pun intended…HAPPINESS, who we do in the meantime is well…what it is.


  14. >Can I just keep shit real…a dog is a dog is a dog (male & female). There are some who pretned to be a playa for appearance sake for their boys/girls, but knows that the shit their doing is wrong & eventually gets their act together & settles down with one person. Then you have the idiots who really believe that bieng a playa is where its at & will never change, marreid or not.There is nothing wrong with hoping that what goes around comes around…we're only human & its only natural to have not so good feelings about someone who has hurt you. Yeah you eventually get over it….but I must honestly say while I try not to dwell on those who have hurt me…I take GREAT delight in seeing things crumble around them when that mutha Karma does come around to bite them in the ass!


  15. >I think it's interesting the Stickgirl calls her blog "Bitter" Stickgirl… and I see some real bitterness in the comments above… so where does all this bitterness come from? Is that why they sometimes call it the "war" between the sexes?


  16. >to totally agree with dawnya. it is so possible to be the right person for the "right person" haha. seriously though – i think when we meet the person for us, we make the effort to try and make the relationship work. Until then, we are all mr/ms right nows.


  17. >I concur with WillieD. I think our ideas of strict monogamy is ridiculous. I once heard a woman (whose husband cheated on her) say, "Well, he never loved me. He was just lying the entire time." See, I think that's nonsense. To put human emotions into such a narrow, confined aspect, it's impossible to please all involved. Of course he could have loved her and been in lust/love with the other woman. That's like a mother asking, "Do you love me or your father?" as if there's but one choice.The human heart (along with genitalia) is a mysterious thing at best. And I recently saw a poll in Newsweek that claimed that women were much more likely to get angry at a spouse cheating than a man. Pretty interesting stuff, I'd say.As for my ex-wife, she's now an airline stewardess, possibly the worst profession for an ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, whatever. My one dream is that while she's serving tea at 30K feet, the engines stall and the plane plummets into the Atlantic. I know that's screwed, because so many others have to go down with her, but, hey, I'm fucked up that way.


  18. >I know that I have been mr wrong and mr mufucka to many … I can't say that I didn't warn the ladies before hand .. I was an admitted sportsfucker . Now that there is no sport left in it for me I've decided to change my ways . I don't think that you lose the predator eye you just lose the hunger …this is my second half of my life and I would love to leave a legacy other than I was that dude or a king dinggaling daddy… I realize that I don't want my tombstone to read he had bitches


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