…but it’s not. How would you handle this if you were the woman in the piece below from the column Tales from the Front?
Courtney and Bill had been married for eight years when she discovered that Bill had been having an affair for a year with his secretary, Deidre. And if that weren’t enough, Deidre had become pregnant with Bill’s baby. And if that weren’t enough, Courtney found out about the affair and the baby when the sheriff’s deputy delivered paternity papers to her home. But wait, this all happened while she and Bill were in the process of adopting a baby.
Let’s back up a few years. During the year of the affair, Courtney says she asked Bill many times if something was going on: “I just felt that something was different, but I had no proof. Every time I asked him, he denied it. The day before the arrival of the sheriff’s deputy was the last time I asked him.
Law-abiding citizens don’t usually have someone from the sheriff’s department ringing their doorbell, serving them with legal papers. After the shock, Courtney read the petition. She said first she felt sadness, “then relief that I wasn’t crazy. Then embarrassment when I realized the deputy was watching me read the petition and learn that my husband had been unfaithful and had a 6-month-old daughter named Alexis. Then sadness again when the deputy apologized for having brought me the news. Anger came and pitched a tent the next day.“
Hmmm…
Courtney’s first pregnancy had caused complications. She and Bill had gone through fertility treatments to have another child, but treatments hadn’t worked. They had decided to adopt: “We had just found out that the adoption was going through when I learned of the affair.”
>Courtney says she thought about leaving Bill “many, many, many times, but I took my marriage vows seriously.” She agreed to stay with him, but she had conditions that he had to meet. One of them was that he be a real father to Alexis [the outside baby], “not just a check in the mail. It wasn’t her fault. She was just a baby.”
As soon as she learned about Alexis, Courtney insisted that she and Bill visit her often, together.
Poor, poor Courtney. Now she’s got an adopted baby and an outside baby, too, thanks to the helpful efforts of her hubby Bill.
What would you do? And what about all those warning signs Courtney kept having? Should she have stuck it out with Bill? Should Bill have, um, stuck it out into his secretary?
So many questions. So many babies…
Chicago Tribune.com: Tales from the Front: She heard about affair when deputy showed up at door
The Lo Zone 
>at first i was gonna say, "love makes you do stupid things"…like hangin' on to dem marital vows, but wait! that's what i did! DOH!!!! *smacks self upside duh head*it was the honorable thing to do for the moment, maybe because she needed to find some sense of peace, especially if she has adopted one to take care of. and that's probably what's keeping her sanity, the child. she would be a mental case if she didn't have the adopted child to love.hmmm, i wonder if she stuck it to 'ol boy wif child support, divorce and alimony. payback's a bitch! (;-P
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>wow…what a thought provoking question…hmmmm what would I do?I guess the woman should be seroiusly applauded for her taking the marriage vows so seriously. I know that most individuals pack up their respective tents if an issue like this were to happen.I'd have to agree with Lance's comment aout haveing the adopted baby to give the love to with the possible absence of emotional intimacy with hubs.Great post, sugah!
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>i don't applaud that chick. there's already a prevailing message out there that women should put vows ahead of their own happiness. fuck THAT.now i DO applaud her for telling bill to represent as a father to alexis. she didn't go that 'petty chick' route.what i would have done? i'll do what i already did…hung in there a few years to see if things would change and when they didn't, i bounced. don't take a rocket scientist to recognize that sometime folk ain't supposed to be together, no matter how much work is put in. for me it was better to cut my losses and start brand new.now if he impregnated the chick during the time i was tryin to make a go of it, i would have encouraged him to foster a relationship with the kid, but that don't mean he would have and i wouldn't be bending over backwards to make it happen. if the chick wasn't upset with me, i'd try to see if she wouldn't mind me fostering a relationship with the kid. this way, if dude bounces, i could still ensure the kid knows of his father and the father's family, maybe facilitate the process of intergrating the child and the mother into his fam.i wouldn't be trying to stay with him though. cheating occurs, but if i've already been woefully unhappy before he started doing it, what the hell am i fighting for? the right to be unhappy?
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>Wow! I think I'd…damn. My first instinct would be to leave him. Point blank. But, it would depend on his reaction to my reaction. He'd have to be sincere as hell for me to stay with him…and I agree with Nikki, if things don't work out after a year or so…still drama, he can kiss my ass and get ready to pay me!
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