Friday Fun: Just How Black Iz You? (Part 1)

I know we haven’t done our very fun and challenging literary game, Really Good Or Really Shitty!!!, in a minute, but it will be returning verrrrry shortly. I’ve been quite busy with a few things, so please, forgive. I will ultimately get totally back up to speed.

In the meantime, I’ve come up with something that might be worth some shits and giggles. It’s definitely NOT to be taken seriously, so save your lectures, if you feel so inclined. This is just A PLAY TEST (remember that), and the name of it is…*drumroll*

“Just How Black Iz You?”

Mind you, you don’t have to be black to take this test. This is just a fun (seriously, it’s for fun!) barometer of just how many stereotypical black traits you may possess. This first edition relates specifically to food. (Yum!)

Get your score based on the choices you make from the food items to follow. Once you tally up your points, see the scoring scale after the video below for the results.

Alright, everybody…here’s the test. Let’s get crackin’!!!

Fried Chicken (30pts)…

…or Grilled Salmon (3 points)?

Potato Salad (10 points)…

…or Caesar Salad (4 points)?

Pork Spareribs (20 points)…

…or Beef Ribs (10 points)?

Watermelon (30 points)…

…or Honeydew Melon (-10 points)?

Bacon (15 points)…

…or Turkey Sausage (6 points)?

Grits (20 points)…

…or Oatmeal (10 points)?

Red Velvet Cake (15 points)…

…or Strawberry Shortcake (5 points)?

Grape Juice (-30 points)…

…or Grape Drink (50 points)?


In the words of the great Dave Chappelle
Ni@@a, what the f*ck is ‘juice‘?!


Amuse yourself with this lovely video while you add up your points…



Scoring Scale


-2 – 40 Get your white ass off this blog (just kidding!!!)
41 – 80 You might be a half-breed

81 – 110 Your ghetto pass is dangerously close to revocation
111-140 You still visit Grandma in the ‘hood/country in the summer
141 -190 You win!!! YOU’S A NI@@A!!! (<==click the words for confirmation) Be sure to pick up your prizes




…on your way out!!!


Happy Friday!!! Thanks for playing!!!


UPDATE: Just for Lance, I decided to throw in some biscuits as bonus points!!! (Anything over 190 points is just extra affirmation that YOU’S A NI@@A!!!)

Oh yeah, this is an actual photo of some I made. Enjoy!!!

58 thoughts on “Friday Fun: Just How Black Iz You? (Part 1)

  1. >i scoe'd a perfeck 190 too d.c.!!!!fugg dat juice, bring on malt likka!!!last one tuh da likka stoe buys da fawtys…and a dictionery at da wal-mart cross da skreet!!!! loldayum lo, it's 3:30 am and now you got me jonesin' for some fried chik'n and tater salad!!!!!what, no biskits?!!!!


  2. >hahahaha…ya'll are too funny. Good morning ya'll.@Lance: you a fool…flat out.@Plez: 90? you got a 90…ok, brah…we will work witcha?@Brkln diva: yayyyyyyyy..congrats!!@Organ noise: hang around some of the folks in here and take a trip to the country/hood. you will be alright. I'm sure it will rub back off on you. LOL..


  3. >my sisters always said i was "different" – i think i got a negative score. LOL!Not the likka sto's finest offering – RED pickled pigs feet – i gotta go to the hood again for "old times sake" – uh, where are the hoods now since gentrifications on a roll? do they set up hoods in da burbs for the dislocated?this was some funny shit – now u need to do a R u a REAL Crakkah test! THAT would be HO-larious!


  4. >Perfect score here as well. I think I get bonus points as I tend to use my BISCUIT to wipe the hot sauce dribbling outta the corners of my mouth before eating them.Oh – and I prefer Koolaid to Grape Drink any day. "Red" Flavor.


  5. >Ooooh, so much meat! That potato salad looked divine! Did you make it yourself? There was food on the gentleman, DC's blog, now this!I really need to go have brunch, now.toodles.


  6. >DAG… that was fun… ok…I got 121, but I'd have lost mad points if instead of salmon it was anyother fist, because I'm not one for fried chicken, but I don't like salmon..


  7. >now rich has join the black republican elitist like jay-z and nas….lol EAT MO' CHIK'N BOSS!!!betta start fiendin' for sum banana sammiches and sweet tea…COME TO THE LIGHT!!! COME BACK TO THE LIIIIGHT!!!…loland for everybody that scoed less than 190 (actually the biskits tip the scale ova 200 hunnert)…Y'ALL NEED TO GET YO SHIT TOGETHER!!!…for capcity (step away frum da salad)…for blkyn diva (and you live n bk?)…for organized noise (58? forget soul food, get an IV instead…lol)…for plez (share IV with O Noise)…for justmewriting (drink dat sweet tea shuga!)…for nikki (at 171?..welcome home, we'll just add a couple of biskits to slop up the gravy!) TONIGHT'S DINNER: THE ANTHONY HAMILTON SPECIAL – CORNBREAD, FISH & COLLARD GREENS….for dessert, the dreaded PEACH COBBLER!!!!YUM, YUM!!!!… (;-P~~~


  8. >@Damon: I knew you was a ni@@a when I met you!!! Yaaaaaaaaay!!! (um, I think)@Lance: There was NO QUESTION about your niggatry. None whatsoever.@Plez: Welcome to The Lo Zone!!! Checked out your blog and it's great, very informative. Now, about that 90…um, are you familiar with the movie Drop Squad? Don't be surprised if a dirty white van screeches up next to you and snatches you inside. Damon (DC) might be at the wheel and I'll be riding shotgun (literally…I'll have an actual shotgun). "Come back, brutha…"@Bklyn Diva: Congratulations on your 141!!! Did you grab a few sheets of wax paper on your way out to wrap around those pigs feet when you eat 'em? Keeps the dripping to a minimum and you don't get as much red dye on your fingers.@Organized Noise: A 58, huh? *sigh* Wow. Okay. This isn't so much intervention worthy as it requires a concentrated labor of love. Would you be willing to submit to a soul food/soul infusion intensive weekend workshop? You can get all your high-blood pressure inducing greasy foods and re-ghettofication at once. I guarantee you'll walk out of there feeling supremely black (if you're not rushed out on a gurney to the nearest emergency center first).@Nikki: A score of 171 makes you impervious to any attempts at gentrification. Congratulations on being black on the most cellular level!!! (As if anybody ever doubted that about you!!!)@CapCity: How could you get a negative score? You and Lance are our resident "crakkah"-hurlers!!! I expected more. Do you want to shoot for a retry? This time, stare at the food a little longer. Think about "Gone With The Wind." What would Mammy and Prissy do?@L Lowe: Oh joy, joy, joy!!! So happy your came out of the background to post. You know I knew you would not only score beyond the top, but take it even further. Sopping biscuits in hot sauce and dranking red Kool-Aid, indeed. You get the sound effect times ten!!! I wonder how our boy B would score? He's ultra-black, but a vegetarian. Hmmm…how would that work?@SweetDreams: I didn't make any of the food (except for the biscuits), but I can without effort. Cooking's one of my specialties. As for the gentleman DC…he and I are a pair. Food on his page, food on mine. There's no escaping it. We've got you cornered. BTW, how did you score? Do tell. You're among friends, no matter what. It's all crazy, kooky love up in here.@JustMeWriting: My girl!!! 121!!! One foot in, one foot out. Alright, alright…sorta like socio-cultural double-dutch. We'll take that. You get extra points for that fabu-black Philly accent. Oh, and that Chappelle video is a RIOT. "'Juice'? We want 'drink'!!!"@Lance (again): I'm first in line for The Anthony Hamilton Special!!! Where's the hot sauce and mustard?


  9. >Oops, Lance, I reposted my comment, so it looks like you answered my question before I even ask it. Of course, you're super-black with super powers, so that's highly possible!!!


  10. >never saw "drop squad", not even this trailer, but the way shit is today, i should check out today! but, ummm, i got, ahhh, something to do right now…


  11. >Hey Lo, wait a minute, I don't need no damn black hypno-therapy or shock treatment. LOL.Can't a sista like hot sauce and wings with a salad sometimes. And I love real grape juice. Hey I love biscuits, slaw and a Faygo pop(that is Michigan talk).I gotz my black card.


  12. >Aw, Denea, we don't hate you. Heck, I can't eat half the stuff on this page because I've got to work out five times as much to burn it off. It's all mostly food porn for me. I don't even drink regular Pepsi anymore. Just diet Pepsi Jazz (Caramel Creme) and lots of bottled water.One glass of grape drink would show up on my thighs IMMEDIATELY.Still, I was itching to get in that dirty white van…


  13. >I know, Denea. California can really mess with your head about food. You start to feel guilty if you even have too much water.I'm looking forward to living amongst real people who eat real food again.


  14. >Sheletha, California, at least LA/Hollywood, will make you see food as the enemy. It is a place that will have you believing things that are extreme for most people (bulimia, anorexia, plastic surgery, multiple marriages, omnisexuality, etc.) are the norm and that there's something wrong with you if it's not your way of life. You can either buy into it or not, but you are surrounded by it on every level.


  15. >Yeah Lo, its crazy out there with all the "newly-acceptable" things some people get into and what not… Just for the record, I AM NOT one of those people. I've just always been an athlete and like to keep it that way. Stopped drinking soda and eating pork/beef because of a bet for HARD COLD CASH with my uncle. After the six month bet was up, I couldn't get near them without getting sick. So I adapted. Everything else is just because I have to keep an eye on family health issues, like diabetes, and high blood pressure.So, Sheletha, you don't have to count me in the group of extreme Californians. 😉


  16. >I'm the same way, Denea. I have to watch things because diabetes and high blood pressure are in my family. Don't want to go down those same routes.But oh, the food is so lovely to look at!!!


  17. >Well I guess that confirms it…I'm a nigga wit a score of 184 (hey that rhymes LOL) It was the strawberry shortcake that kept me from gettin a perfect score. And why the shortcake get such low points? All it is is biscuits wit strawberrys!That was fun..going to fry some chicken now LOL!


  18. >Aiiight, Lo:-) i'm btwn expo visits & came back for another look. thanx to the watahmelon for taking me over the top to "gramma's house" in da summers, whew – i made it! lol!Ohhhh, Lance that's my SONG in addition to the fact that I love me some cornbread, fish & greens (collards, etc.!!!) – good seeing u last nite, too! Can't wait 'til Mz. Rep posts those photos! Good talking to Sheletha too (sounding like an innocent li'l girl;-)!back to the expo – ONCE again!


  19. >Ha! I TOLD Sheletha she had a "baby voice," and she kept insisting that she didn't. Thanks for affirming it, CapCity…and you too, hon.Sheletha, embrace your baby voice. It's soooooooo cute!!! You'd do great here in the Valley. There's lots of girls out here who talk like that.GO CAVS!!!


  20. >According to my doctor, I should've selected the healthier choices but my southern upbringing disallows it. Early on, we solved the problem of not being able to fry everything – we bought a bigger vat for frying. Fried catfish and hushpuppies with cole slaw…an orgasm via taste buds and a family affair. When I was growing up we had Tang and Kool-Aid, before they took the sugar out. But my mom's biscuits and gravy…man, I just can't find food like that out here in L.A. Lo is right about living out here. Hard to go out with friends and order what you want when everyone with you is ordering healthy meals. Salmon? Gimme a break – I'm still hungry after a salmon dish. Oh, and Lo, I just noticed L'Kesh is gone – WTF? Now, I was raised in Arkansas so I'm going to ask: Anyone here ever have one of my favorite dishes that my mother cooked all the time? Fried gizzards with Louisiana Hot Sauce…I think I just came. And then there was my mother's jalepeno cornbread served aside her okra gumbo.I guess I don't make the black scale….is there a "cracka" scoring system? Speaking of that, last time I was visiting my mother we went to the grocery store, which was mammoth. She asked me if I saw crackers down the aisle, to which I replied, "Mom, there are crackers all over this store!" She retorted, "Fuck you, Matt…"


  21. >oh matt…that was priceless. You get extra points just for saying that out…you have me hysterically laughing after reading that.Enjoy your weekend all.


  22. >Congratulations, Matt!!! You don't need no stinkin' "cracka" scoring system. You's a HONORARY NI@@A!!! Here's your SALUTE (<==click the word "salute" to listen).As for fried gizzards with hot sauce, they are personal favorites of mine, along with fried livers (and hot sauce). There is no question of my niggatry, so I don't even hide it. Just can't eat like that as often as I wish. And yes, WTF is right, L'Kesh is gone. But there's still Stevie's on Ventura, Flossie's in Torrance and M&M's (if you're jonesing bad enough to go over the hill), and Roscoe's. There's always Roscoe's.Have you ever had cracklin bread? Cornbread with cracklins cooked inside? It's one of my favorites, but cracklins are very hard to find where I am. I stayed at the Ritz in downtown Atlanta last year and they served a basket of CRACKLIN CORNBREAD MUFFINS (!!!) with most meals you ordered for room service. I almost lost my rabbit-ass mind!!! I was ordering room service for no reason at all, just to get the basket of muffins.*sigh*It's good being a ni@@a…albeit bad for your health.


  23. >Hi All,I promised myself that I wouldn't post until I read every single post from the beginning, so after a week (maybe a little less), I just want to say how special this blog is from one of my favorite authors! I have read each of your novels (and your latest, in hardback is on it's way to me as we speak)! Thanks for creating a cool space to meet, kick back, and just BE! I have cheered and cried with you all (well, a little later, but you get the picture), and I look forward to more in the Lo Zone!Jacqueline


  24. >Welcome to The Lo Zone, Jacqueline!!! It's so wonderful to have you here. And it's never too late to laugh and/or cry with us. We welcome all emotion from all who come to share this space.As for the low score on the test, truth be told, I may have scored high, but I can hardly eat any of that stuff on the regular. Health issues run rampant in my family too, so I have to watch it something fierce.But it's fun to gaze at the food and remember the good times!!!


  25. >150. OK, how many y'all ate this stuff in the last week? It's Monday, so I got the advantage of the past weekend which featured two backyard barbeques. Fried Chicken (from Merritt Bakery in Oakland), potato salad (homemade), pork ribs (once from Everett & Jones – the Fruitvale Ave. location, and once from the backyard grill – a 50 gallon drum cut in half!), watermellon (picked up at a farmers market on International Blvd.). Now you know why I'm on Lipitor AND Zetia!


  26. >(Ducking outta here with olive oil and balsamic vinegar on my organic mesculin greens with… Wait…I've said too much.)Nice to "meet" you. D.C. Speaks "introduced" us.


  27. >Matt, that was funny as Hale!!one of my caucasian students was wearing a "u know u're a redneck when" tee shirt. his mother & i were laughin' about it &she told me that their redneck family doesn't see the humor & we both laughed harder! if u can't laugh @ yo'se'f tha's jus' sad….


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