See, this is what happens when rich white folks don’t exactly know what to do with themselves.* One of my favorite entertainers, Larry David, and his wife, Laurie—who’s become almost as well known for her environmental activism—are headed for Splitsville, pedal to the metal. (Amicably, natch.)
The enthusiasm is gone: Larry David and his activist wife, Laurie, have separated after 14 years of marriage. The split was “very amicable and … they’re going to continue to raise their two (daughters) together as friends,” spokeswoman Heather Lylis said Tuesday.
No further details were provided. [ed., no shit]
If it’s true that money changes everything, imagine what suddenly getting a really big lump can do (…on a side note, 50 Cent recently got $400 million in a lump…or less, depending on which account you believe; in either case, let’s see how long it takes for him to act wild out even more than he already does).
Back to Larry, his wife, all that money, and how it can change things. Let’s examine the chronology of financial advancement for one…Larry David:
Co-creates/co-writes a television sitcom that’s off to a pretty slow start, but somehow ends up being a ratings juggernaut for the NBC network. Eventually, along with Jerry Seinfeld, becomes an executive producer of the show as well.
Laurie, suddenly faced with a shitload of money (which officially made her and Larry “Major Hollywood Players”) and a quirky, cranky schlub of a husband who hadn’t found his fifth wind just yet (this was pre-Curb so he was probably following her around the house all day getting on her nerves), did what any smart feminine half of a power couple would do…GO SHOPPING!!!:
Soon that quirky, cranky schlub found himself hosting a hellabuncha Hollywood parties and doing a whole lotta shit that quirky, cranky schlubs don’t really like doing, because they’re quirky and cranky for a reason—they don’t really like being around a lotta people.
So one day, after he was probably told he had one too many parties to attend in the name of saving the world, he probably said…
“You know what, boo? YOU DO YOU. Umma go back to doing me. Sorry I faked it for so damn long. I never understood this going green shit anyway. I’m a rich Jew (it’s redundant, I know), and the only green I like is the kind you keep spending, so I’m about to step while I’ve still got some left.
Fuck if I’m not gonna let a German drive me around after all my people went through. Mazel!”
*This entire blog post is based purely on comical conjecture. Don’t get mad at my Jewish jokes. I make black jokes too, so there. Besides, I have no idea why the Davids are splitting up…but I’m guessing I’m close to accurate, if guessing counts. I’m sure there’s a reason “no further details were provided.”