See, this is what happens when rich white folks don’t exactly know what to do with themselves.* One of my favorite entertainers, Larry David, and his wife, Laurie—who’s become almost as well known for her environmental activism—are headed for Splitsville, pedal to the metal. (Amicably, natch.)
The enthusiasm is gone: Larry David and his activist wife, Laurie, have separated after 14 years of marriage. The split was “very amicable and … they’re going to continue to raise their two (daughters) together as friends,” spokeswoman Heather Lylis said Tuesday.
No further details were provided. [ed., no shit]
If it’s true that money changes everything, imagine what suddenly getting a really big lump can do (…on a side note, 50 Cent recently got $400 million in a lump…or less, depending on which account you believe; in either case, let’s see how long it takes for him to act wild out even more than he already does).
Back to Larry, his wife, all that money, and how it can change things. Let’s examine the chronology of financial advancement for one…Larry David:
Co-creates/co-writes a television sitcom that’s off to a pretty slow start, but somehow ends up being a ratings juggernaut for the NBC network. Eventually, along with Jerry Seinfeld, becomes an executive producer of the show as well.
…who sees mad potential in this quirky, cranky schlub of a guy, even though he’s got a few failures under his belt (Seinfeld, at this point, is just starting to pick up steam).
The syndication rights to Seinfeld are sold, making Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David instant hundred-millionaires. Larry’s take is estimated to be at $200 million.
Laurie, suddenly faced with a shitload of money (which officially made her and Larry “Major Hollywood Players”) and a quirky, cranky schlub of a husband who hadn’t found his fifth wind just yet (this was pre-Curb so he was probably following her around the house all day getting on her nerves), did what any smart feminine half of a power couple would do…GO SHOPPING!!!:
Soon that quirky, cranky schlub found himself hosting a hellabuncha Hollywood parties and doing a whole lotta shit that quirky, cranky schlubs don’t really like doing, because they’re quirky and cranky for a reason—they don’t really like being around a lotta people.
So one day, after he was probably told he had one too many parties to attend in the name of saving the world, he probably said…
“You know what, boo? YOU DO YOU. Umma go back to doing me. Sorry I faked it for so damn long. I never understood this going green shit anyway. I’m a rich Jew (it’s redundant, I know), and the only green I like is the kind you keep spending, so I’m about to step while I’ve still got some left.
Oh yeah…keep the Prius. I’m rich and I’m Jewish, which means I reaaaaaally prefer a Benz.
Fuck if I’m not gonna let a German drive me around after all my people went through. Mazel!”
*This entire blog post is based purely on comical conjecture. Don’t get mad at my Jewish jokes. I make black jokes too, so there. Besides, I have no idea why the Davids are splitting up…but I’m guessing I’m close to accurate, if guessing counts. I’m sure there’s a reason “no further details were provided.”
The Lo Zone 
>nice post lo. i, too, was kinda shocked about their breakup. it all seemed to be on solid ground. OY!!!!! shit happens…
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>I know, Lance, I thought they were rock-solid, too. But she's become a rock star in her own right, and maybe a rock star who likes the limelight with a famous husband who's a known crank no longer works.Ahhhh, l'amour, l'amour!!!
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>I'm sure Larry's mother, if she's still alive, is saying, "I told you so…" to her bubbie.On another note: My agent asked me to write a sample for 'House M.D.'. Any way of getting it up on the "Love It Or Hate It" segment? It's just been submitted to Fox, just as my agent goes on two week vacation, naturally…
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>Matt, I will HAPPILY put it up for you on "Really Good or Really Shitty"!!! I'm so proud of you and for you with your determination and all the great things you have going.RE Agents and two week vacations, it's always right when they've got something pending for you, isn't it?
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>matt!!!! whuddup brudda?!!!!
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>No No No Notorious … hey I was with you when you took that shot .. I believe I took the shot didn't I? The question is who shot at the soccer mom in the Prius .. what was she doing to make a mufucka unload a clip into such a non threatening sedan ?
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>Great post…don't you think they could just learn to live with each other? With all that money….I'm just sayin'.Also–LOVE the Chanel shoes!
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>didn't we have our own stories about the Notorious P.R.IHey Matt!!! Good Seeing Ya!!!
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>…ummm, cain't no one…sorry, I meant NO ONE get rid of me if we talking about hundred-millionaires…just sayin'…there has got to be a big enough house that we don't have to see eachother…HAS to be.
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>Hey Lance! How are things?? How are you, Sheletha? I'm trying to get over to Lo Zone as much as possible these days just so you keep your token white guy in place.:)Hope you're all doin' well. Lance, let me know what's up with you!Cheers,Matt
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>Well, if the photo of the Davids you posted is any indication, I would say that Laurie is going to have a much easier time post-split… Her attractiveness is very obvious… a 5 Star Cougar if I ever saw one! He, on the other hand, is about as attractive as dog doo! Oh well, with his half of all that money he no doubt will be out there paying, er…playing, with Bill Maher and the rest of the boys.
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>token…thats kinda funny.
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>Dang! This must be the season for big Hollywood divorces…wait, is there a season? I bet it's a sobering feeling to one day wake up and officially decide, "I'm leaving this mothafu&ka/bi!ch." Geesh!Great post!
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>The notorious PRI is back!I hope you're feeling better!Jen
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>hey , Jen!!!!
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>Great post. This is my first time on your page and I already love it.
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