Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #7: The Results!!!

The results of the seventh installment of yesterday’s edition of Really Good Or Really Shitty!!!, and they definitely did not suck.

Har-har. I just wanted an excuse to put that gorilla being serviced up again. Too funny!!!

Wednesday’s poll

…presented us with the following script excerpt:

EXT. LUXURY APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT – ESTABLISHING

Higher-end type apartment complex. Luscious grounds envelop the tracts of buildings. The chirp of crickets fills the night.

BARRON (V.O.)
I have to get showered.

INT. BARRON’S APARTMENT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Very expensive apartment, yet sparsely furnished with a man’s touch. BARRON NAVARRO, late 40’s, and JULIA FORD, late 20’s, lie nude beneath the bed’s satin sheets. Barron is rugged, good looking and appears younger than he actually is. He props himself up on his elbow, looks down to Julia’s eyes. Julia, a knockout, turns to face him. Barron uses his free hand to move a lock of hair from Julia’s face, running it behind her ear. She looks up at him, smiles.

BARRON
I just hate leaving you.
(beat)
Always hate leaving you.

Barron leans down and plants a long kiss on her lips. After the kiss, his eyes linger on her.

BARRON (CONT’D)
(raising eyebrows)
Mmmmf… I have to get going.

JULIA
I know. Let’s not get your better half angry.

Barron slides out of the bed and heads toward the master bath. On his way he stops at the dresser drawers. Julia rises to a sitting position, watches Barron. Picking his wallet up from the dresser’s surface, he spies Julia watching him via the large oval mirror. He shoots her a quick smile, takes four one-hundred dollar bills from the wallet and places them atop the dresser, next to rows of colognes, framed photos and several prescription medicine bottles. Barron turns to her as he enters the bathroom.

BARRON
Be out in a minute.

Barron shuts the bathroom door halfway. We hear the sound of the shower turning on. Steam slowly emanates from the half closed door. Julia stretches her back, rubs the muscles in the back of her neck, moans. After a deep sigh, she slinks out of the bed. Quick shots of Julia as she slips the black pants of her pantsuit up over her panties, then the white, very revealing shirt, and finally the jacket and shoes. The sound of the running shower in the background, Julia approaches the dresser, looking up at herself in the mirror. For a long beat she stares into her own eyes.

INT. BARRON’S APARTMENT. MASTER BATH – CONTINUOUS

Steam shrouds Barron as he scrubs his body with soap against the torrent of piping hot water. He blows water away from his lips to speak.

BARRON
(loudly, over the water)
You free Friday? I was thinking we could
take a drive up to the city. Maybe stay at
the Roosevelt like we did last summer?

INT. BARRON’S APARTMENT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Julia drops her stare from the mirror to the cash on the dresser’s top. She takes the bills, folds them and drops them into her pants pocket.

JULIA
(monotone, loudly)
Yeah.
(lower)
That sounds nice.

Julia’s eyes scan the collection of personal effects upon the dresser’s surface.

INSERT: Close up pan of framed photos. BARRON and BARRON’S WIFE, mid-40’s. Photos of various children. Parties. Holidays. All smiles and happiness, juxtaposed against: Slow zoom on Julia’s sad eyes. Julia’s eyes move to the rows of pill bottles. She picks one up, turns the prescription bottle around in her palm. Julia huffs, shakes her head.

INT. BARRON’S APARTMENT. MASTER BATH – CONTINUOUS

Barron steps out of the bath, shuts the shower off. After drying himself with a towel, he moves to the sink. He picks up a brush and combs what genetics has left of his salt and pepper tinged hair. He lifts his chin as he proudly eyes himself in the mirror. Barron goes to exit the bathroom, a towel around his waist.

INT. BARRON’S APARTMENT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Barron steps from the bathroom.

BARRON
Fortunately, my wife is leaving for…

Barron spies Julia’s legs on the floor past the bed. He leaps past the bed where he finds her, back down on the floor. Julia’s eyes stare at the ceiling, her head and neck twitching. She’s trying to say something.

BARRON (CONT’D)
Julia! My God!

Barron, shocked, moves to pick up her hand, dead weight. His head jerks as he kneels down next to her.

BARRON (CONT’D)
(panicked)
Julia! What is it, baby?

Only her eyes, streaming tears, move. Unblinking, her panicked eyes move until they’re staring straight into Barron’s.

JULIA
(croaking words out)
I…I can’t move…
329 votes later, here’s what you thought:


[click image to enlarge]

There were 36 votes of Excellent!!!; 26 votes of Meh, it was okay, and 5 Really Shitty’s.

The REAL eye-popper in all of this, however, were a whopping 261 votes of REALLY GOOD!!!

There were ZERO bleeding eyes, so, once again, we’ll hold the Visine.

I’ve known the writer of this piece for quite some time now, well over a decade. He has one of the most wicked senses of humor you’ll ever encounter, and is steadfast and dogged in his determination to conquer Hollywood with his writing talents. He’s our very own resident comic, The Lo Zone‘s self-proclaimed “token white boy“…

His excerpt was the teaser from a spec script he’d written for the popular television show, House.

Congratulations, Matt, for a job MOST EXTRAORDINARILY well-done!!!

Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #7!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #6: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #6!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #5: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #5!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #4: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #4!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #3: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #3!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #2: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #2!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #1: The Results!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Really Good Or Really Shitty!!! Part 1 (Or, WWM3MS…What Would My 3 Muses Say?)

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5 thoughts on “Really Good Or Really Shitty, Excerpt #7: The Results!!!

  1. >Thanks to all those who voted in my favor and fuck those 5 who voted against me. Actually, my agent requested a sample for House M.D. in an attempt to get me on their writing staff when the new season starts. Hopefully, I'll hear something by next week when my agent returns from his two week vacation. Not that I've been on edge or anything…If anyone would like the full sample, you can email me at melakfilms@yahoo.com and I'll send it over to you in pdf format.Kind of hard to gauge the work by the teaser alone as where I really excel, for some odd reason, is House's acerbic dialogue. The medical mystery in my story is what ended up killing my mother so I know of it all too well.My agent, shockingly, felt my first draft was solid enough to send over without any changes. That's something he's never done before so I may have found my niche. Either that or he just couldn't wait to go on vacation.Thanks again Lo, for posting!

    Like

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