>Sacrifices: Which Would You Make? (Part 1)

>We all have our things that we can and cannot live without. Some things we’ll give up happily, while others come with an “over my dead body” condition. I’ve always been fascinated by the dynamics of relationships (familial, romantic, platonic, workplace, etc.) and the art of negotiation so that both parties get what they want. I’ve also been watching a new show on HBO called Tell Me You Love Me

…that has me riveted to the screen every Sunday night as I watch these couples try to work through their shit. All of it, of course, is related to that most complex of issues, S.E.X.—getting it, not getting it, using it for some other objective (as a substitute for love, to procreate, etc.)—and the four couples involved are all twisted up about it in some very real, very relative way.

It got me to thinking about things we could and couldn’t live without, so I decided to examine the idea of sacrifices in relationships, and perhaps keep this theme going as a running topic that I continue to explore. Why not start with the obvious—sex? What if you really loved your mate, but the sex was wack, weak, problematic, or just plain ol’ nonexistent? Could you live with that? Yes? No? Okay then, let’s make a choice…

If you had to give up one of two things in your relationship with your significant other… FOREVER AND EVER IT WILL BE GONE…which would it be?


…or Television*?

In this particular scenario, you and your mate will either never ever have sex again (but have all the TV your big eyes can watch!), or you’ll never ever watch TV again, but always have intimacy and the human touch to get yourselves by.**

Which would you give up? Has something like this happened to you before in a relationship? Is it happening now? Do tell…

*If you’re not a TV person, substitute the internet instead.

**Don’t think this is a far-fetched sacrifice. This kind of thing is happening in relationships every day with people who’d rather watch TV and go to sleep (or get on the internet) than get down with their mate. These relationships may eventually fail or succumb to infidelity as a result of such choices, or they may thrive if both partners agree that sex (or TV or the internet) won’t be missed. No more “American Idol” or no more nookie…what would you do?

HBO: Tell Me You Love Me

13 thoughts on “>Sacrifices: Which Would You Make? (Part 1)

  1. >It's interesting you posted on this, Lo. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME is a show I never miss. You can't take your eyes off the screen because what these people go through is so true to life. I don't know what I would do if I was trapped in a sexless marriage like the couple with the kids. That would be my worst nightmare. It would be like dying a slow death. You have to deny a whole side of yourself just to be in a relationship. Spending the rest of my life just watching tv with somebody every night and going to sleep would never be enough for me.I guess I do know what I would do. I would leave.


  2. >Nobody has to ever settle for wack sex. There's too many people and too many options. So what if you love the person? A person who won't sex you right, barring some physical disability that prevents it, is selfish and spending the rest of your life with someone who won't sex you right is settling, plain and simple. People with low self-esteem settle. F!ck watching tv. Get out of that relationship!!!!!!!!!!!


  3. >I heard you were back. I missed reading your blog when you were away.In regard to your post—–while it's not so easy to extricate yourself from a marriage when sex has fallen by the wayside, it can be done. The good thing about this new HBO show is it offers a strong option—–talking to a therapist, but how many people are willing to go that route? Pride often gets in the way, especially if it's the man who isn't as sexual as his wife needs him to be.Of course, pride cometh before a fall. Women cheat just like men and/or they ask for a divorce. Television is never an option as a substitute for intimacy.


  4. >Yaaay!!! You're back!Since I don't watch television, I'll have to substitute the internet. I love to be online, as you all know HOWEVER, there is no way, NO WAY, I would give up sex.


  5. >Cornelius said it best….a person who supposedly loves you but won't sex you right is selfish. As long as Viagra, hormone treatment, and vaginal rejuvenation exist, there's no reason for this to be happening. If your spouse won't get help, you need to GTFO!


  6. >I was with this guy who used to brag about how he was all about sex. Sex was okay in the beginning, then we moved in together after dating three months. The sex suddenly became less and less and then it just disappeared. Two months later, so did I.Beware men who brag about how much they like to f-ck. Most of the time theyre lying, overselling, on the down low, or all of the above. A man who just wants to cuddle with you and watch tv is probably a man who really likes d-ck on the side.


  7. >What an interesting post to stumble upon!!!!!!!My first husband was this kind of man. He loved my home-cooking and could barely wait to get home from work before he was sitting down at the table drooling over what I had cooked that night. After dinner, it was off to the bedroom where he would sit up and watch tv until it was time to go to sleep. He always wanted me to watch tv with him. That ish gets old realllllllll quick. Right before bed he would get some kind of snack. Oh, did I mention my first husband was fat? Yeah. Guys like that always are. Sex went out the window. How is there room for sex with all that eating and tv watching? There was plenty of room for snoring though, which is what I got an earful of every night. Fat guys snore but good!!!!!!!My current husband is a dream!!!!!! We've had ten years of wedded bliss, with lots and lots of sex. We even watch tv together, but after the tv goes off, it's on and poppin'!!!!!! Sometimes we don't turn the tv on at all……..Good to see you back, Ms. Files!!!!!!


  8. >Funny that you should wite about this…I just watched all 3 episodes yesterday… wasn't what I am normally into…but if you like it..I love it.I'd give up television for sex. Television doesn't mean movies right? I mean in the theaters. lolHowever, if I had to give up music instead of sex…I'd probably go with the music and just do alot of self "dating".


  9. >I love this show and have not missed an episode. Some people are saying its classy porn but I disagree. I think HBO should be commended for tackling topics in relationships that everyone deals with but no one seems to talk about or address. This show is really starting to turn into a huge watercooler topic. Now we just need to work on getting an African American version of the show… because the issues at hand would turn out a little different. Instead of going to a 70 year old therapist we would be taking them to Big momma.


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