>So last night we go to the movies with Cortney and Vickie. We were actually supposed to be going to a screening of Halle Berry’s new movie…

…but we were operating on extreme CP time and the show was capacity when we (finally) arrived. So we ended up seeing another movie that had just started, The Kingdom…

…starring Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner.

It was really interesting, quite compelling in fact, and about thirty minutes in, juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust as we had dug our heels in and were really feeling the plot…

…the freaking film CAUGHT FIRE and MELTED!!!!

WTF??????? The projector was smoking and shit and the movie, naturally, came to a complete halt. Apparently there was no one in the projection room, so we all sat there stupefied for a hot minute like baffled deer facing a fleet of blinding headlights, waiting for a fix. Cortney had gone for a potty break and to get more snacks (I don’t want to know in what order), and had missed the fireworks, yet when he returned to the theater (entering from the front), everyone was staring at him as the screen was just a piece of freeze-framed burnt celluloid. It was a perfect moment for him to crack a joke.

What I want to know is…isn’t this the digital age? Why are there still film projectors in big theaters like this? Is this what I have to look forward to in Cleveland? Should I be checking the exits before I settle in with my popcorn, lest a blaze break out? The manager eventually came in and told us the movie was a bust and that we needed to raise up and roll out because there was no way they could fix that melted film. Free passes for us all, though!!!

Free passes, my ass. Melted movies? This kind of thing would never happen at The Arclight.