Asses!!! Cheap Asses!!! Get Your Big Cheap Asses Here!!! Asses!!!

I read about this over on Gawker regarding a story that’s in today’s New York Post:

JLoBigAss

A shady Atlanta businesswoman armed with a gallon jug of silicone and syringes is offering to inject women seeking “J.Lo butts” in a Manhattan hotel room – an illegal and potentially lethal cosmetic treatment.

I need to see your butt,” Kimberly Smedley told a Post reporter posing as a customer last week in a suite at the Eastgate Tower Hotel on East 39th Street.

Smedley, a heavyset woman wearing camouflage pants and fake Ugg boots, then demanded $1,600 in cash to give nine injections to each cheek.

Sitting on a coffee table was a Poland Spring jug, which she claimed contained “medical-grade silicone,” along with a syringe and cotton balls.

“It’s illegal,” she said. “I’m not a doctor, and I’m not a nurse.”

Smedley, 41, has two shoplifting convictions in Georgia, where she drives an Infiniti and lives in a handsome brick estate in a neighborhood of half-million-dollar homes. The Post learned about Smedley from a Harlem beautician in her late 20s who said that Smedley visits New York every few weeks and that she has injected several friends.

The woman said she paid $1,000 in 2006 for silicone butt injections, which she received in a Midtown hotel room crammed with at least 10 other women, many of them strippers, seeking the treatment.

When it was her turn, the woman lay face down on a couch, in view of the others, while Smedley gave her about 10 shots on each side.

“I wanted a J.Lo butt – full, round and high,” the woman said.

The injections gave her the “lift” she wanted – at first. But now she is seeing doctors for many hard lumps, ripples and skin discolorations that have developed on her rear.

“I don’t know what’s happening inside me,” she said. “I’m scared for my life.”

I’ll bet she is.

After further digging of my own, turns out this illegal little phenomenon—called “pumping parties“—has been happening all over, and people have been warning each other about this for a while. Folks have been getting sick and dying!!! Folks have been going to jail for this!!!

Watch your booties, y’all. Don’t these people know that all they’ve gotta do is put themselves on a good ghetto diet (skins, pig’s feet, hot sausages, vinegar-and-salt potato chips, a few pineapple sodas, some fried chicken, greens with smoked neckbones) and—*pow!*—ghetto booty!!!**

Of course, it may come with a side order of gut, but you can always get that lipo’d.

*On a side note, JLo’s booty is monstrous in that picture. Or should I say, a monstrosity. Let’s give it a name, shall we? What’s a good name for a monster? Hey, what about this?!!! Oh wait, that just offended other monsters. My bad.

**This is actually untrue. I’ve tried it (in moderation) and it hasn’t helped my butt one bit.

Gawker.com: “JLo Butt” Scam Threatens NYC Ass Health
NYPost.com: Rear And Present Danger

8 thoughts on “Asses!!! Cheap Asses!!! Get Your Big Cheap Asses Here!!! Asses!!!

  1. >To think people pay all that money to have suspect, shoddy silicone injected into their bodies and for what? A big ass like J-Lo? And they put their lives at risk for it? This just shows how far we've fallen as a society. Oh well….at least their ass will look fat and fluffy in the coffin!!

    Like

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